Note to Self (158) #Power

Robbie Williams is one of my favorite singers. I love his spunk, and his songs, because they relate to a lot of my personal experiences.

Mostly, I admire the guy. He dealt with a lot of crap, but what didn’t kill him certainly made him stronger. I’ll never forget one of the lines he wrote in a thank you blurb on one of his CDs where he basically said:

Thanks to all who loved and supported me, but mostly, thanks to all who didn’t give a f*** about me, because without you, I wouldn’t be here today.

Well, there’s nothing more empowering than thanking the ones who hate your guts.

So, here’s my turn:

I want to thank all the readers and friends who follow me and support me, but mostly, I want to thank all the people who weren’t there in times of need, who didn’t give a f*** whether I was dead or alive, who ignored my phone calls, who discarded me from their existence like a used tissue, and who treated me like garbage. A special thanks to those who will recognize themselves in this post, because without YOU guys, I wouldn’t be where I am today. My blessings to all the haters. I pray for you, and hope you’ll find peace. Thanks for the love, even if you think you hate me. If I’m still of any interest to you, it means you still care. And that thought alone makes me really happy.

Do you also feel power surging through your veins like electricity? 🙂 Because I’m on fire baby!

 

Note to Self (157) Shoot me now… or maybe later

So… The end of last week was somewhat awful. First, I worked like a dawg. Second, I thought my next divorce court date would happen next week, but it got rescheduled for in one month. And lastly, I had a nervous breakdown. Yep. Hit me like a ton of bricks.

There’s no drive, no inspiration. I feel useless. I live the bloody relationship I escaped from every single minute of every single day because this divorce is taking forever. People tell me it will pass, it’s only a momentary episode. I know these things, but they still don’t make me feel better.

I want to be done. It has been almost two years. What I think is that if he really wanted to be divorced, he’d have done it by now. But again… whatever goes through his mind is not my problem.

Dark times. I’ll get over them. Not easy. Nothing’s meant to be a breeze.

So yeah. Shoot me now. Or maybe later. I’m undecided.

And tomorrow shall be another day.

Death By Chocolate – Behind the Scenes of Ch. 4 – Psychedelirious

Bite into a delicious chocolate, and see what it’ll do to you!

Julie is going deeper into the universe of memories she has been ignoring for too long. Evan pushes her to fight a goo monster she cannot even see in broad daylight. She’s afraid, yet willing to battle. But for what purpose?

The past wants to send a message. Since the breakup with Mark is so fresh, it’s understandable she still thinks of him often. But her former best friend, Kara? What message is she trying to tell? Unless, Kara acts as a residual memory that has nothing to do with Julie’s journey


Killing the goo monster is just a way for Julie to put her guard down. Natural instincts that will prevent her from fully opening to her past need to be tamed – and fighting an imaginary enemy will help distract her from the real objective: reach a new level inside her subconscious.

But Evan shows an ugly side of his personality, and abandons Julie to her fate after he scolds her like a child for failing. The beast is dead, so what failure is he talking about? Could it have anything to do with Mark’s new girlfriend, Melissa? Or is there something else he’s pointing at?

It has become apparent throughout the story that Julie has a bad temper, and will let her emotions overwhelm her very quickly. The argument with Evan is another proof she cannot control her anger, and ends up walking away from her guide because she just has enough of his company. Impulsive reaction that will lead her to be taken by a group of mysterious beings she cannot identify because she’s once again drugged up.

The mind being blurred by the chocolates, and then the tranquilizing dart, affects Julie’s perception of her environment – which leads her to continuously undertake trance-like experiences. Important fact to remember: these steps are necessary for her to reach the most obscure areas of her subconscious, and to open the doors of what’s she’s repressed for so long.

The journey wasn’t supposed to be easy, and Julie’s obvious resilience to go under is expressed by her constant questioning of what’s real, and what’s not. Therefore the whole kidnapping scenario seems like a pretty good way to give sense to what’s happening. But this attempt is completely unnecessary. Just like Evan said, whatever she’ll try, she’ll end up in the same place. One way or the other, she cannot escape.

So what will happen after she’s taken from the forest? Read Chapter 5 to learn more!

Death By Chocolate – First Review (And a good one at that)

I got the wonderful surprise to see Death By Chocolate, my YA Fantasy serial published by Curiosity Quills every Monday, got a first review… and a really good one!

So if you haven’t read DBC yet, or are curious to know more about it before jumping into it, please go check Kay Froebel’s blog. I swear, it’s worth it!

http://kayfroebel.com/2012/08/16/urban-fantasy-a-thought-on-death-by-chocolate/
🙂

Death By Chocolate – Ch 5 – Second Encounter of a Kind

To read Ch 1 through 4 please visit www.curiosityquills.com.

“Gimme one reason why I should agree with you,” I said, attempting to skid a small rock over the ocean surface. Despite a promising throw, the pebble landed in the water with a faint plop and sunk right down to the bottom. Okay
 Something else I wasn’t great at.

Kara  sat behind me with her knees to her chin and her arms wrapped around her legs.  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed she was still in her bathing suit – and, also, Ijust how much darker her skin looked in the setting light. ‘Course, after surfing all day and not turning into Little Mermaids, we were getting off easy.

I stared at the pink and purple sky and felt a pinch in my chest. No need to cry now. Still about a week left.

Turning away from the vista, I crawled over and grabbed one strand of Kara’s long auburn hair. Long auburn dreadlocks, I should say. In drying up, sea salt did that to surfers.

“You should see yourself
” I chuckled, “Kingdom for a shower, girlfriend!”

“No need to get so upset. I just want your opinion,” Ignoring my comment, she sheltered her eyes with her hand.

“Okay,” I watched the sun crashing its course on the horizon and waited for her to continue.

“You know
” she said, “I really like him.”

I glanced at her and suppressed an angry snort. “So you said.  To which I said, you know I can’t protect you if something ugly happens.” Despite my best intentions, I the bitterness in my tone came through loud and clear. Or, maybe, because of them.

“Really, the world will come to an end if I date him?! Out of all guys?” She stared at me, and all I read was disappointment in her eyes. She wanted me to support her in her choice to ask Dan out. “Out of all guys”
 Yep. Dan was a player and certainly didn’t deserve her.

Dan Goldberg, six foot three, two hundred pounds, blond Justin Bieber hair and hazelnut eyes. A dream for all these desperate gals willing to cut an arm to stand in his vicinity without dying first of hot flushes.

He did nothing for me. Too cute to be true. And my sixth sense never lied. Besides looking good, Dan also played as quarterback for the school’s football team. Hanging out with him was like finding the Holy Grail, but I had heard nasty things about the way he treated the girls he went out with.

Allegedly, Dan liked to be in control and have the upper hand – at all times. If dating got ranking anything like football, he would have been the MVP every year for the rest of his life, except relationships didn’t belong to the running or passing play category.

Kara should have put a stop to her infatuation with him a long time ago,? I might know her better than she knew herself, but ha, but who was I to tell her who to fall in love with? v. And the one year age difference between us so didn’t help my case. She was older, and therefore wiser. Bite me!

I stayed quiet while she bore holes in the side of my head

“Soooo
. Tell me,” she whined.

I hated when she whined. A few more years down the road with her and I could start a healthy and successful career in politics
 Exhaling, I picked my words carefully.

“I know stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?”

Gosh, drop the attitude will you? As if it wasn’t hard enough to be “honest”. I swallowed hard. “Dan is not nice to girls. He treats them like
 garbage.”

“You’re lying.” She threw me a suspicious glance. “You’re serious?”

I nodded.

“But he seems so perfect
” Her voice trailed off.. Quit dreaming and come back to earth, Missy! This ain’t American Idol here!

“You didn’t tell me. Before.”

“I did tell  you. Before.” I so hated repeating myself. Though, admittedly, it might not have been in so many words.

“Just be careful.” White and yellow trails crisscrossed the darkening sky as the waves went on throwing themselves against the shore in a fruitless display of aggression. As fruitless as this conversation, come to think of it.

“I’m supposed to see him in a few days,” she said.

Oh Lord!The key was to stay diplomatic. “Listen, I don’t want you to get hurt, that’s all.”

“But they’re rumors. And you know what I think about rumors
” Same strategy every time! Not that dismissing my words is going to make the problem go away. Ugh!

“Dan went out with Lilly and she said he had been horrible.”

“So you base your opinion of him on what one girl said?”

And here we went. Again. She was digging her own grave and there was nothing I could say that would change her mind.

I distractedly played with sand and let it clump between my fingers. That beach would become a distant memory and us together would soon belong to the past. There was no need for more drama.

“You’re right.” I surrendered to her almighty will. “I rely on what one girl said. What do I know? Nothing.”

She looked at me and smiled. Yep, she had won. The sky had become completely dark; time to head home.

“Thanks for being such a good friend.” That sealed the lid on the coffin. She shivered. “Let’s get dinner. My house?” She stood and extended her left hand for me to grab.

“Ha!”

We walked until the the beach became a street and Kara’ house, the third one on the left, winked at us with its already-lit streetlight

I’d have had dinner at Kara’s almost every evening if my own mother didn’t bribe me with fat allowances to also eat at home, although her cooking was well
 kinda meh. But the money didn’t hurt, so we made a deal, and every two days I stayed over at Kara’s. I loved her mom. She was so sweet and always asked me what I’d like. Often threw together my favorites, too: creamy spinach and baked potatoes, or corn on the cob and roasted chicken breast


As memories of Kara faded away, I awoke to the overpowering stench of
 urine. Gosh! Talk about feeling hungry for breakfast. I closed my eyes and pressed the back of my right palm on my forehead. The skin felt damp and warm as if I had broken a fever.

My new shelter consisted of a ten by ten foot jail cell and my bed had been stuffed with so much straw, whatever position I adopted was itchy and very uncomfortable. Moving my limbs felt out of the question since I ached everywhere. Result of goo fighting? Gah, I was a mess, and hated every minute of it.

Where had I been transported against my will this time?

Sunlight entered my cell through an opening as big as my forearm, and sadly, I hadn’t developed the ability to see through walls, which meant I would eventually have to stand up to peek outside. Crawling seemed the most efficient solution to reach the ridiculously small window. After much mental preparation and physical struggling, I reached the slit and noticed the stone walls were very thick, which reminded me of Civil War forts and
 Alcatraz
 Oh lord. Was I in prison?

No no no
. Not possible. No bars to this window. And no glass either. No bars equaled no penitentiary of any kind, unless it was a post-apocalyptic war penitentiary or the city had embezzled too much money to afford bars or glass on their prison windows. Either way, I needed to look and check whether the outside meant courtyard, barb wire and armed soldiers or
 the square of a village? What? Okay, as I peeked, nothing struck me as unusual. People strolling and going their way. Ha, listen to me talking. Because nothing until now had been unusual
  Well, at least there were no multi-headed slimy creatures slithering on the ground or mangled walking dead feeding from human brains. That was already something! What did I try to demonstrate here? In a hopeless situation, little things did make a huge difference. And maybe it was time to announce “it’s a wrap”? That movie set looked too awesome to be true. Could I go home now?

My head hurt, and I was officially losing my sanity. Lying back down, I took a series of deep breaths. Whatever tranquilizer my abductors used, my hands were still shaking hard, and a strong feeling of doubt started growing in the pit of my stomach. Would anyone locate me before I’d die? If I was indeed in Mexico, I could probably kiss goodbye to ever coming back home in one piece. Someone behind the door of my cell was getting ready to cut me open and sell my organs on the black market. Snap! Maybe they had already done their deed now that I thought about it.

I quickly sat and ran my fingers along the skin of my back but didn’t feel any unfamiliar bump or cut that might have alarmed me. I checked my front and didn’t find anything suspicious either. Phew! I was still whole. So far.

When would someone come and get me? And more importantly, what would they do to me? The ugliest scenarios played in my head while my eyes checked the rest of the room and stopped on the wooden bucket that served as my bathroom. Ew. That’s where the urine stench came from! Gross. What the heck was wrong with these people?

Feeling rather thirsty, the inside of my mouth felt like parchment. I had lost my appetite but could certainly use a fresh cup of iced water. Room service? Nah. Of course not. My abductors had not been very thoughtful if they gave me a bucket to pee in but no water to hydrate myself with.

I was growing more and more annoyed. This whole ordeal had to stop. What could I do to get out of this rat hole? Maybe if I ate another chocolate


Genius.

Frantically searching for the non FDA approved sweets, I ripped the burlap mattress and tossed straw all over the floor
 except the box was nowhere to be found.

Talk about luck.

Gosh!! I wanted to scream, kick, punch
 Heck to the bastards who decided to play a joke on me! What else had they stolen from me, huh? I swear, if they took what I thought


Mechanically glancing at my left wrist, I noticed my watch was still there. Okay
 these people, whoever they were, were the most clueless abductors I had ever encountered. Why would they steal a cheap box of chocolates and not my three thousand dollar gold Cartier watch? Unless chocolates were worth more in this world than gold? Seriously??

But by looking closer at the face of the watch, I realized the glass had shattered in the middle and a shard had sunk in, ultimately preventing the arms from moving. So yes, now my Cartier was worth less than these damn chocolates.

What else could go wrong?

A faint whisper and scratching noises coming from behind the door distracted me from ripping more of the burlap mattress. As I crouched and applied my ear against the wood, I heard a series of steps. Oh heck yeah! Whoever entered would be welcomed by a heavy and smelly bucket in their face. Too bad it was empty, because I also would have certainly rejoiced at the idea of covering them in fresh pee.

A few seconds passed before the door finally cracked open. And I was ready.

Only catching the glimpse of a dark mass of hair, I hit the head hard. My unidentified victim lost his balance, and collapsed to the ground, dropping at the same time a ceramic bowl and a jar. Food splashed like blood, and water wetted my feet. Nice. Too bad there was no camera shooting the scene that day, because it could have entertained a wide audience.

I grinned. Last time I had inflicted such a blow, the school’s principal awarded me with one month suspension. My self defense argument had fallen down deaf ears. But the kid who had tried to grope my butt deserved his just punishment, and I didn’t care if he weighed two hundred and fifty pounds and was a senior. Nobody touched me without my consent.

A hefty and aggravating lawsuit had been avoided after my dad accepted to cast the kid’s older sister in a horror chick flick that scored a few hundred millions at the box office. She had played a tiny role that had landed her in the bathtub with her throat slit from ear to ear. Such acting skills.

That movie sucked.

I examined the body I had reduced to vegetable and realized he was just a boy. Crap. I had expected to hit a huge and mean abductor, not a frail twelve or thirteen year old! Okay
 so much for being a badass.

I shook the stranger by the arm to wake him up. My job would have been easier if I had thrown water at him
 but the only water available now stagnated among the debris of the jar and the bowl on the filthy floor of my cell.

The boy seemed really out of it, and I started to think my blow might have killed him.

Oh my God.

Adrenaline rushed through my veins and sweat ran down my neck and along my spine but I couldn’t panic. The door was open and I would escape. The rest didn’t matter. That boy was collateral damage.

Okay. Move. Get to your feet and run. Do something, dammit!

I heard more footsteps. Someone else was coming.

Now or never.

I swallowed hard and stood. The pain in my knee shot right through and made me cringe. I was freaking unable to go very far, but I could at least try it.

Get out.

I glanced one last time at the boy.

Leave.

I limped over the threshold and stepped foot in a narrow hallway dim-lit by torches. No real bathroom, and no electricity either? Had I travelled back to the Middle-Ages?

Which way?

The steps sounded closer.

Make a left. Make a left.

Functioning on a pure adrenaline high right now, I walked as fast as my injured knee let me. Blood pounded in my head as if it was about to explode. Gosh, when would I get a break?

Where are you going?

I kept moving fast. Cold air whipped my face as I halted before the same tiny opening in a wall exactly like the one in my cell. Oh no
 a dead end?

No, no, no
 My hands ran against the wall as if I’d find some magical button that’d let me out through a secret passageway or something. Drenched in sweat, I was panting. My knee prevented me from standing for too long. All the strength in my body quickly disappeared. I had no juice in my batteries left. The burning sensation in my lungs didn’t subside as I slipped to the ground to sit down. The end of the road? Most likely. I seriously sucked at escaping from prison.

The steps that followed me finally came to an end and I sensed a presence next to me.

Crap.

Looking at my reflection, I didn’t recognize the girl staring back at me. My long dark hair had been braided into a band over my head, and my skin was as pale as snow. A coat of black make-up had been smeared across my face over my eyelids, which reminded me of Pris in Blade Runner, except the beige linen robe I was wearing added nothing futuristic to my eccentric outfit. But I guess it was finally time to discard my waterfall washed up goo covered jeans and useless sneakers.

I had been stripped of my watch too. Okay, maybe now someone would come and tell me I either was prepared to be sacrificed to a God I didn’t believe in, or they wanted to shoot a nice ransom video and I needed to look the part so the money would get here faster. If they had asked my opinion, I would have told them linen robes didn’t look scary enough, but who was I to voice my concern? Only a poor injured victim. No one important, really.

I had been moved from my jail cell to a similar looking but bigger space where the straw bed had been replaced with a wooden bench and the rustic version of what I’d call a mirror – mere polished piece of metal – which I assumed was made of solid gold. The openings previously as big as my forearm were the size of regular windows too, and curtains served as actual panes because glass apparently didn’t exist anywhere in this place. No bathroom bucket in a corner this time though. Maybe they had a water closet for that purpose. Just like these good old French.

Ha, could they serve food now? The tiny indigenous woman who stood next to me hadn’t said a word. She kept moving me around like a doll, placing golden ornaments in my hair, on my forehead and around my neck. She put gold rings on all my fingers and gold bracelets up to my elbows. The more she added, and the more I started to feel like a really expensive Christmas ornament.

Strange custom for Mexicans to cover their visitors in gold. Could someone tell me where the heck I was, please?

A gust of wind blew the curtains open and offered a snapshot of the outside. An ocean of trees stretched far ahead on the horizon, vanishing into a thin line that melted into the bluest sky. No clouds obscured the bright sun that had reached its zenith.

It must have been the middle of the day. And if my calculations were correct, I had spent at least an entire night inside the jail cell before passing out of exhaustion during my escape attempt and being brought up here for my Halloween costume transformation.

So many things happened in so little time. Two or three days ago, I sat at the Gypsy’s table, and the world already seemed pretty crazy. But now? There was no comparison.

I startled when another presence entered the room. Oddly enough, it felt like dĂ©jĂ  vu, as if he had been the same presence who watched me after I escaped from the jail cell. A very tall bald man with dark skin complexion approached and the woman next to me immediately bowed her head and mumbled something I didn’t understand. Okay
 My level of Spanish was average but I knew what she said wasn’t Spanish.

I stared at him. He wore a tunic similar as mine, and the same jewels. His golden sandals made a clicking sound with every step he took. He came near me but didn’t make a sound. His black eyes didn’t once look at the other woman. He was focused on me, and only me.

Was he my abductor? Why did he take me here? What would he do with me? I burned to ask a million questions but didn’t know which language he’d speak.

I felt incredibly nervous. His stare was hypnotizing.

“I’d like to show you something,” he suddenly said in English, and grabbed my hand in the process. Without resisting I followed him. Strangely enough, my right knee didn’t hurt anymore. Actually my entire body felt fine. Woah. What had he done to me? And how did he speak my language without a hint of a Mexican accent?

We walked to the open window, and reached the small balcony that overlooked the forest. My breath stopped when I saw a giant edifice ahead of me, something I hadn’t noticed earlier. The pyramidal construction rose very high in the sky, and shined like gold. I gasped. Never had I seen something so magnificent.

“This is where you shall go for the final judgment,” the man said.

I thought I heard wrong.

Final judgment? So I would be sacrificed? What?!?!?!?!

I looked at him and felt a huge pressure release inside my chest. My eyes watered and tears started streaming down my cheeks.

“Don’t be scared,” he said. “You’ll see. It’s actually a great place to be in.”

Was his smile supposed to bring me at ease? Because it did the exact opposite. As I kept crying, I wondered how he’d kill me. With a knife? With his bare hands? Oh god.

The stranger wiped some of the tears away with his fingers. “Don’t be sad. It won’t hurt.”

Pulling my hand back into the room, he said something to the woman and she handed me a clean piece of cloth.

“Come on, you don’t want to show the world so many tears. The show must go on, remember?”

A few more words like these and no need to sacrifice me because I’d die of a heart attack. What the heck was he talking about?

“What have I ever done to you? Is this money you want?” I blurted in between sobs. “Why are you taking me there?”

He smiled.

“So you can finally open your heart,” he said and we walked out of the room.

Note to Self (156) Stupidity Comes In Many Forms

I’ve had the privilege or the misfortune – depending on how you look at it – to experience once again a falling out with someone I considered a friend. Take it as naivete on my part, or simply the genuine willingness to open up and share stories with a kindred spirit, it seems nowadays people like to have their own agenda when making friends. Of course, I have an agenda too. But sometimes, I like to put my guard down and enjoy a nice conversation. Well… I was wrong to think that way apparently.

When you start talking with someone and get to know them better, two questions always arise: in my head, I wonder whether this friendship will lead to something more substantial. In the head of the person I talk to, I wonder if they think the same thing too. Often I make it clear my intentions are solely aimed at developing a friendly connection. But sometimes, that line gets crossed and an awkward blur sets in, which I immediately have to redefine in order to avoid any confusion. And when this blur becomes less blurry, problems occur.

The other side gets hurt, their ego not bearing the idea that I am not interested in sleeping with them. Well, sorry buddy, but me opening my mouth to say intelligent things doesn’t necessarily mean I want to consume the friendship in more carnal ways. Yet, many men I ran into were convinced those were my preliminary intentions and I led them to believe I was attracted to them. Um. Yeah, and often I tell them their imagination is very active, too active perhaps. But that argument seems to fall into deaf ears more than once.

So what is there to do? Not talk to anyone at all by fear to create expectations that will never be met? I cannot be in other people’s minds, especially when I express myself and say – several times – that all I’m looking for is a nice and healthy friendship. If the other side doesn’t want to hear me, well, that’s their problem, not mine. But the shift in responsibility always comes back in my direction. How odd and disappointing.

Oh well. Their loss, not mine. All I have to say is that stupidity comes in many forms, and this is one of them. So good riddance, and welcome to new friends who will be better listeners next time.

Death By Chocolate – Behind the Scenes of Chapter 3 – First Bite

Heya folks!! Time flies, and Death By Chocolate is becoming tastier than ever.

So what did you think of Chapter 3 – First Bite? If you haven’t read it yet, it’s available here!

What happened to Julie in this episode? A few things


She experiences her first flashback of her girlfriend Kara. We learn the girl was Julie’s best friend for several years until all communication stopped with the move to Los Angeles. What is the reason for the silence between the two besties? Did they argue? Did they fight over a boy? Did they realize they weren’t meant to be friends after all?

Julie doesn’t understand why Kara suddenly reappears after years of quiet, and the memories make her feel uncomfortable. But little can she focus on the past because a hefty task ahead is more urgent. Evan takes her to a chamber supposedly leading to the cave exit. Yet, one problem arises. Something is obstructing the opening to the outside world, and it’s Julie’s responsibility to defeat whatever obstacle stands in her way. In order to escape, Evan gives her a chocolate. Whatever power Julie wants, she’ll have if she thinks hard about it.

The cave – because of the omnipresent darkness – represents Julie’s journey into the narrow tunnel of her subconscious, deeper into the fibers of her brains. The light is supposed to lead her to the truth, and to the acknowledgment of many facts. Julie needs to forget about what she knows and face the demons that haunt her dreams.

But will she succeed in defeating whatever prevents her from moving forward?

Read Chapter 4 – Psychedelirious now if you’re curious to know more!!

Note to Self (155) Rationale and Judgment

I want to go for a walk in the park. Away from the crowd, out of work and far from all the responsibilities that pollute my every day routine. And walking seems like the perfect solution to clear my head.

Rationale = Romeo

Judgment = Juliet

Emotional roller coasters aren’t fun, and I’m no lover of drama. Shakespeare’s showdowns look great in books, but let’s be serious: the Capulets and the Montagues belong six feet under, and should stay there.

Yeah. Easier said than done I guess. Friendships and relationships become worse as my involvement grows. Is there an island I can fly to and stay hidden until people forget about me? I’d take my cats to keep me company. I really don’t need much. Beans, water, fruit, and we’re set.

Gah! There’s no way out. Truth is, I’m my worst enemy, and I hate being alone.

Listen to your heart, but be a rational being. What? Rationality made me marry an a-hole. So yeah… So much for not listening to my heart, huh?

I was supposed to move on and find myself a nice dude who would pick up the pieces and fix my broken heart. But from what I’ve experienced, dating is a freaking game for morons and I certainly suck at it. Too many feelings, too many expectations. Trust issues, one divorce under my belt, my baggage weighs a few pounds indeed. Somehow, I still believe I’m not completely screwed though. Right????

Ugh. This fight of what to do best will never be over. I guess I’m stuck.

Can I go for my walk now? I seriously need to unwind. And maybe battle a few angry haters on the way too. 😉

Death By Chocolate – Ch 4 – Psychedelirious

Whoot people!! Chapter 4 is out!!

Have you read the first three by any chance? 😉 If not, no worries, they’re available here: http://curiosityquills.com/published-authors/johanna-pitcairn/death-by-chocolate/

Chapter 4 – Psychedelirious

A rapid surge of adrenaline blasted through my entire body as if I was about to slide down a roller coaster very very fast, my heart thumping hard and nearly bursting out of my chest. Everything around me changed. The cave instantly lit up in a purplish hue so captivating, I almost walked into the river water suddenly turned plasma. Flashy oranges, yellows, reds were undulating uncomfortably near my feet, and ahead, a bluish mass of goo bubbled by the breach in the walls.

The beast.

The animal seemed five times my size. In other words
 well, not huge. But quite, quite impressive.

Okay
 I had to calm down and focus. If the creature indeed blocked the entire opening of the cave, I was screwed. Unless


“Evan
” Cold sweat dripped down my back.

“What is it?” He grabbed my hand and his touch put me a bit more at ease. Exhaling deeply, I searched for his glowing eyes.

“W-Will I defeat it if I eat another chocolate?”

“Yes,” he softly said in my ear, “Whatever you wish will come true.”

I shivered.

“Do it.”

The familiar pebble shape materialized on the inside of my palm, and without more ado, landed in my mouth. The bitter taste overwhelmed my senses, and energy spiraled through me like electricity.

Well
 here came nothing!

I leapt toward the blue shape, but sensing me, it ponderously moved to the side and grew even bigger.

What the heck?

I blinked several times, thinking my vision might be playing tricks, yet caught in the momentum, I was kind of stuck. Whichever one of us hit the other first, the beast or I, the end result was the same: dive and swim. And say what you will, the plasma river didn’t look remotely appealing. Nor did the creature, rising ready to swallow me.

“Don’t think you’ll ever be in control,” Kara suddenly spoke in my ear, and just like that, I was on the beach in Oceanside, that first time she taught me how to surf. The butterflies had been going hog-wild in the pit of my belly, but squeezing her fingers for dear life before braving the frothing ankle busters, the look in her bright blue eyes, it helped
 “Learn to listen to your instincts. I have faith in you,” she squeezed my hand back, then let it drop.

My nine-year-old body ready to engage the elements, I was paddling away when a wave reared up like a lion stalking its prey. Swelling with my every breath, the watery mouth looked ready to gulp me down alive, and I fought the urge to swim back to shore.

“Go for it, Julie! Come on!” Kara screamed. Barely a year older than me, she had been surfing since she could walk. My record didn’t stand a chance against hers. I stared at the mountain of water.

“You can do this!”

Gripping the board hard, I set my eyes on the target. 3, 2, 1
 I bent my knees just like Kara told me to, and spread my arms as if getting ready to fly.

“Go girl!” Kara shouted, and when I glanced in her direction for half a millisecond, I saw her giving me both thumbs up.

“Banzai!” I screamed back. I totally googled surfer slang; might as well trot it out.

Too good to be true, my success story came to a literally screeching halt when the wave smacked me hard in the face and I toppled off my board like a potato sack.I tasted the salt of the water, and a sharp pain burrowed deep into my right knee. My arms battled to keep me afloat, but I still choked.

Back on solid ground, which I reached
 don’t know how, it was a blur
, Kara took over in no-nonsense Kara style. “Hey, you’re ok. You’ll be fine.” Her hand pressed on my chest as I slowly came back to what was left of my senses. “You surfed like a champion out there.” Her fingers brushed the side of my face. “I’m proud of you.”

Yeah, right. I wanted to cry.

Her voice echoed all around as if she was really next to me. Kara


The memory ended and I landed on the creature’s back. Without thinking twice (which, admittedly, I maybe should have), I started crawling toward the massive head.

Every superhero flick teaches us to aim for the eyes whenever the goal is to disorient a stronger enemy. Not willing to reinvent the wheel, I went with that tactic. The drawback, of course, was that no user manual existed to instruct me how to effectively search a pile of goo for the animal’s face. Did a mountain of slime even have one? The acrid stench to put an army of pissed off skunks to shame was definitely the cherry on top of the massive “cake” I had to defeat before close of business. How I managed to avoid a healthy throwing up session must only have been made possible thanks to all the psychedelic chocolates I ingested earlier, and also the lack of real food for the past two days.

Through the retching, I kept my fingers busy probing the goo and naturally, the monster growled and snarled, persistently trying to shake me off. I doggedly held on. Stalemate?

But when I accidentally took a hold of the ears and twisted them against the increasingly violent shaking, the giant shrieked. Oooh
 Achilles’s heel!

Unfortunately, whatever kind of heel it was, it still didn’t solve my problem of drowning in goo like in wet sand. But a fleeting thought of Freddie Kruger and his claws cutting through heads with a single blow? That did.

A tingling sensation flared to life in my fingertips, and the more I scratched at the beast, the more my nails grew into blades. These chocolates were better than a two thousand dollar shopping spree at Victoria’s Secret!

Reborn as a bloodthirsty serial killer on a savage hunt, I let ‘er rip until I was shredding the creatures’ insides. A very primal rage dominated every part of me as the beast yelped and cried, and its bluish hue bled into a darker, unhealthier color.

“I’m proud of you,” Kara’s voice echoed again and instantly decupled my anger.

My arms and hands became sharp swords and went on cutting until there was nothing left to destroy.

When the stinky remains finally collapsed, their weight sent me underwater where I rolled and tumbled like a wet cloth in a dryer. My eyes stung when I chanced to open them, and small bluish air bubbles greeting my dive were the last remnants of
 whatever I just went full berserker on


Despite my best efforts to celebrate surface-side, the tumbling continued unabated. Dirty liquid now back to good old H2O from its odd plasma state started filtering down my airways, and the muscles in my legs and arms cramped up. Did I need another chocolate to swim away from this hell?

Maybe everything was supposed to end now


I listened to the rumble of the deep riverbed and heard the beating of my own heart. Each beat thumped weaker than the one before


“I’m so proud of you,” Kara sung to me again. When my head finally reached the surface, I gasped for air and there it was shining in front of me. The light.

Mark often visits my dreams. My most vivid showed him taking a drag, the skin of his cheeks receding slightly as he pulled, and a dot of fire sparking at the end of his cigarette. Smoke escaped from his nostrils like two delicate twirls of purple and blue joined in a sensual dance that quickly vanished into thin air.

Too shy to start a conversation, I watched him from afar. He looked so unattainable under his Valentino jacket and behind his Balenciaga shades. He waved and smiled at me, and seconds later, magically cupped my face to give me a kiss. I smelled his fragrance and let my eyes drift shut, melting into his arms. His fingers traced the edge of my chin and I exhaled softly, longing for his lips to finally press against mine.

But
 ha! An entirely different kind of touch kicked my altogether unprepossessing reality back into gear.

“Wake up!” Evan shouted.

“You jerk,” I rubbed the spot where he’d slapped me.

He scowled. “You think we have time for stupid Mark dreams? We must keep moving.”

Moving. Moving where?

I rubbed my goo-crusted eyes. At least, my vision had returned to normal and oh
 I didn’t look like Edward Scissorhands anymore! Yay for feeling like myself again!

Lounging on the luscious ­grass in broad daylight, I stared at Evan crouched next to me, all basic put-uponness and demonstrative huffs. Someone suffered from serious mood swings around here
 I concentrated on the warble of water nearby, and ignored his scolding.

“Where are we?”

“You fell down the waterfall and landed here.”

“Without a bruise? Did you see me kill the monster?” I said.

He grunted and stood. “You know
 you’re being difficult. Really difficult.”

“What did I do?” Jumping to my feet, I cringed when a sharp pain awoke in my right knee. So much for without a bruise


Evan stared away. “You don’t need me to tell you what you did. You failed. You simply failed.”

“What?!” I’ve had it with the cryptic act! “I killed the monster, didn’t I?” His Majesty Cranky Puss watched the line of trees behind us and kept tapping his left foot on the ground in the determined show of not-giving-a-flying-banana-ness. “What’s going on? Will you tell me?” I tried to grab his arm but he stepped away.

“There’s nothing I can say that you’ll understand,” he snapped. “We have to keep moving.”

When he started walking, I stayed put.

“Who are you to treat me like this?”

He quickly glanced at me and chuckled. “So proud, aren’t we? Look at us all playing tough. But can’t say it took you very far, can you?”

I had no idea what he was talking about. He pointed a finger at me and my defense mechanism went on autopilot. My fists curled seemingly of their own volition and positively itched to initiate contact with his supercilious mug. What exactly had I done to deserve this crap? Wasn’t he the one instructing me to defeat the goo creature in the cave and wasn’t I the one complying like an obedient little soldier? What else did he want? And what was up with him knowing I was dreaming about Mark? Had he like
 entered my mind or something?

“You’re a coward,” he added and resumed his stroll.

“You’re gonna die!” I propelled myself after him, but he dodged my blow like it was nothing. Unable to regain my balance, I sloped to the ground – and landed right on my injured knee. The pain shooting up my leg made me see stars and I screamed. And the evil bastard? Why, he laughed his butt off.

“She who raises the sword and all that
 And FYI, you fighting me will only make your journey harder. But hey, your decision. Either you follow me, or I leave you on your own. Not like it’s going to make a difference.”

“I don’t care about your stupid powers
” Tears streamed down my face as I tasted blood coating my tongue. “Leave me alone!”

“Is that really what you wish?” Clearly unmoved, he watched me suffer as I dragged myself up into a semi-upright position. Wishing he were the cave monster 2.0 and my claws were still present and accounted for, I ignored his cold glare.

“Very well. Take your chocolates.” He handed me the familiar heart-shaped velvet box.

Blankly staring at the ground, I started limping away from him, and every step forced a grunt out of me. Glancing back, I saw Evan was gone. Good riddance to bad saviors! Now all I needed was an escape route, and I was golden.

The aforementioned no-Evan’s path took me into the woods. Potentially dangerous woods, but nothing mattered more just then than the lack of answers to my million questions since I had landed here. And many of these questions had to do with Kara. Why did she appear to me as I was fighting the goo monster? The flashback had been especially vivid
 The chocolates had certainly induced something in my brain to make me think of her so much, but she had appeared also when I was sober. But was I? Solving Rubik’s cube was duck soup in comparison to this mystery, and no, I wasn’t a competitive Rubik’s cube solver.

Gah! An orange and green Toucan flew by my face and almost scared me to death. Okay
 I didn’t know there were Toucans in the holy gambling state of Nevada. And I certainly was no accomplished rain forest trekker as I amply proved to myself not a minute later.

As I kept walking to God knows where, none of the branches slapping my arms and scratching my neck like manic cats did a blessed thing to prevent me from stumbling over entangled weeds and promptly spraining my ankle. My heavy fall to the ground was ensued by a load of cursing and dirty words I shall not repeat here, but you know the drill. In addition to the pain in my knee, the amount of injuries sustained during this journey to hell would have to eventually stop
 unless this was my punishment for punching Melissa. Oh heck with her too!! This tramp would not make me quit. Not yet at least. Maybe if I never took a break, I’d find the answers I was looking for.

The box of chocolates tightly clutched in my hand, I wondered how Evan managed to keep it dry. Yet, he hadn’t lifted a finger to help me defeat the goo monster. Well
 Guys, right? Not that I needed him
 Whatever anyone said, I was old enough to make my own decisions in the real world.

Speaking of which


What’s with that “real/fake world” baloney? I wasn’t part of the latest sci-fi blockbuster! There was a logical explanation to everything that had happened so far. For instance, the throbbing pain in my knee felt very genuine. As did the red heart-shaped box. So, the chocolates had to be full of drugs. Gosh. I must have been kidnapped to some hidden part of Mexico. Don’t they do it in the bad ‘hoods of Vegas for ransom money? The Gypsy must have looked for my driver’s license and googled my name. Probably, a piece of cake to find out who my father is and connect the dots from there.

But I escaped. Even full of whatever they had pumped me with, I managed to free myself – and bring the stupid chocolates along for evidence. I was good!

Which brought me to now wandering around in slowly-loosening fugue state as I came off the bad stuff. Like this big forest here, that was, also quote-unquote, real. Equally real had to be the lack of any sort of civilization nearby, but if I continued going about it an intelligent way, I’d ultimately locate a village with a working phone booth so I could call the cops. I would even trade my precious watch for a single call. That’s why I didn’t pawn it. I knew I was hoarding it for something important.

Okay, made sense, right? Yeah, I would go with that.

What would my story be? I ran away from school and home and hid in a motel, and then met a Gypsy who sold me to drug dealers? Or organ harvesters? Or something?

Well, that sounded clichĂ©d, but coherent reasoning often does. Much more realistic than what Evan let slip with his “five-headed snakes” and “mysterious people” wanting to kill me. I hadn’t seen anyone! Well, besides him, but he was a liar and a perv.

However
 Was talking with the police such a brilliant idea? What if Melissa had filed charges against me and there was an arrest warrant?

Beads of sweat formed on my forehead and I realized I was panting. Pending warrant or not, my survival chances would seriously decrease before I ever put two and two together if I didn’t find food and drinking water soon. My stomach had been growling non-stop, and the chocolates had done nothing to calm my hunger. And no, insane hallucinations of invulnerability didn’t count.

Whoooooooooosh.

Now that was weird. I halted and listened carefully to the sounds of the forest, but heard pretty much nothing other than unfamiliar birds chirping and wind chiming through the dripping foliage. I resumed walking.

Whoooooooooosh.

I froze. Stock-still, I searched for the source of the noise. And for whoever was watching me.

“Evan!” I shouted, “Couldn’t leave me alone, could you?”

No response. A few breathless minutes later, I concluded my imagination was playing tricks. There was no one in this forest but me and the stupid psychedelic chocolates.

Whoooooooooosh.

Or not! Ouch! Pain blossomed in my right arm. Oh, for crying out loud
 A downward glance revealed a tiny dart protruding from the skin. Pulling it out stung. A small drop of blood beaded where the needle had pricked me. After examining the culprit, I realized it looked exactly like a tranquilizing dart. Those movie directors had their props down pat.

But, as I had established, this was “real”. So, why on earth was I being hunted like an animal? And with such primitive technology, no less?!

I tried a determined step
 somewhere, but the line of trees started dissolving like colored pigments under the brush of a painter, and nausea hit my throat. I stared down at the red box of chocolates and realized my hands were shaking.

My legs wobbled and I grunted as my right leg bent. I could swear I heard voices, but the sounds quickly melted as if underwater. I tasted bile, and then threw up. A small dark puddle formed on the grass below. A deafening ruckus of foreign tongues grew in my ears as human silhouettes swayed before me.

“You
” In a last attempt to touch whatever stood next to me, I collapsed face first into my own vomit.