I’ve had the privilege or the misfortune – depending on how you look at it – to experience once again a falling out with someone I considered a friend. Take it as naivete on my part, or simply the genuine willingness to open up and share stories with a kindred spirit, it seems nowadays people like to have their own agenda when making friends. Of course, I have an agenda too. But sometimes, I like to put my guard down and enjoy a nice conversation. Well… I was wrong to think that way apparently.
When you start talking with someone and get to know them better, two questions always arise: in my head, I wonder whether this friendship will lead to something more substantial. In the head of the person I talk to, I wonder if they think the same thing too. Often I make it clear my intentions are solely aimed at developing a friendly connection. But sometimes, that line gets crossed and an awkward blur sets in, which I immediately have to redefine in order to avoid any confusion. And when this blur becomes less blurry, problems occur.
The other side gets hurt, their ego not bearing the idea that I am not interested in sleeping with them. Well, sorry buddy, but me opening my mouth to say intelligent things doesn’t necessarily mean I want to consume the friendship in more carnal ways. Yet, many men I ran into were convinced those were my preliminary intentions and I led them to believe I was attracted to them. Um. Yeah, and often I tell them their imagination is very active, too active perhaps. But that argument seems to fall into deaf ears more than once.
So what is there to do? Not talk to anyone at all by fear to create expectations that will never be met? I cannot be in other people’s minds, especially when I express myself and say – several times – that all I’m looking for is a nice and healthy friendship. If the other side doesn’t want to hear me, well, that’s their problem, not mine. But the shift in responsibility always comes back in my direction. How odd and disappointing.
Oh well. Their loss, not mine. All I have to say is that stupidity comes in many forms, and this is one of them. So good riddance, and welcome to new friends who will be better listeners next time.