Note to Self (156) Stupidity Comes In Many Forms

I’ve had the privilege or the misfortune – depending on how you look at it – to experience once again a falling out with someone I considered a friend. Take it as naivete on my part, or simply the genuine willingness to open up and share stories with a kindred spirit, it seems nowadays people like to have their own agenda when making friends. Of course, I have an agenda too. But sometimes, I like to put my guard down and enjoy a nice conversation. Well… I was wrong to think that way apparently.

When you start talking with someone and get to know them better, two questions always arise: in my head, I wonder whether this friendship will lead to something more substantial. In the head of the person I talk to, I wonder if they think the same thing too. Often I make it clear my intentions are solely aimed at developing a friendly connection. But sometimes, that line gets crossed and an awkward blur sets in, which I immediately have to redefine in order to avoid any confusion. And when this blur becomes less blurry, problems occur.

The other side gets hurt, their ego not bearing the idea that I am not interested in sleeping with them. Well, sorry buddy, but me opening my mouth to say intelligent things doesn’t necessarily mean I want to consume the friendship in more carnal ways. Yet, many men I ran into were convinced those were my preliminary intentions and I led them to believe I was attracted to them. Um. Yeah, and often I tell them their imagination is very active, too active perhaps. But that argument seems to fall into deaf ears more than once.

So what is there to do? Not talk to anyone at all by fear to create expectations that will never be met? I cannot be in other people’s minds, especially when I express myself and say – several times – that all I’m looking for is a nice and healthy friendship. If the other side doesn’t want to hear me, well, that’s their problem, not mine. But the shift in responsibility always comes back in my direction. How odd and disappointing.

Oh well. Their loss, not mine. All I have to say is that stupidity comes in many forms, and this is one of them. So good riddance, and welcome to new friends who will be better listeners next time.


Add Yours
  1. James Garcia Jr

    Sometimes we men can think with other organs other than our brains. I was actually hoping my superpower would be flying, but I was gifted that instead. *sad face* 😉
    Hi, Johanna. How have you been? I’ve been on vacation for two weeks, but, sadly, that all comes to a dreadful end on Monday. *sigh* Hope things are well with you. You take care, ok.
    Have a good weekend.


  2. Rob Adams

    It appears to me that very few of single guys are interested in a friendship with a woman that might not become more intimate. Generally, it’s because men don’t grow out of adolescence until about their forties (if at all),* and any connection made with a woman is just a way to get to her body. Sad, but it’s true.

    Don’t give up on it. I know, as a guy with several female friends, the value and satisfaction of having their perspectives and thoughts shared with me, and I hope the opposite is true as well.

    Not all of us are jerks. Seriously.

    * There are some nice, mature men out there in their twenties and thirties–wish I could say I had been one of them. :o/

    • themanicheans

      Thanks Rob, as always, you always put a smile on my face. I know many men are not all jerks. I am also sometimes a jerk myself, but yeah, friendships with guys are always compromised because of the sexual attraction that can happen at any given moment. Oh well. That’s ok. I guess the ones who jump too fast to conclusions and ask me to marry them after 2 weeks of talking with them are just not the smart ones. The ones who wait and work at it might stand a chance. 😉

      • Rob Adams

        Two weeks? They seriously wait that long?

        Just take it as a compliment and move on; sometimes with friends–like lovers–you have to throw quite a few back before you find one worth keeping.

        And , yes, that applies to the rare mature guys, too.

      • themanicheans

        Ha that’s not the problem to take it as a compliment. After 3 secs, I take as a compliment. But after 2 weeks, and many conversations, I take it as an insult especially when I made it clear from the get go I only wanted friendship.

        But yes, it takes some maturity to accept that.

  3. RL.Treadway's Ink

    I’ve have the same problem, but most of the times it’s occurred by simple conversations with random men – and in the few moments to no more than five minutes worth of talk, they are assuming just because I’m talking to them – I suddenly want to jump in the sack or go on a date and then jump in the sack. It’s quite frustrating. How can ranting to a fellow bus passenger lead beyond complaining the bus is consistently late is beyond me. They weren’t being jerks at all – but there are too many men who assume talking means flirting. Gah!

    • themanicheans

      Ah yes, well, that’s the price to pay for being friendly and a woman. HAHA. I’d throw some crazy stuff at them like – I have dementia – or I like to eat rocks – and see if they still talk to you afterwards.

      Um, and if that doesn’t work, well… run!

  4. Paolo Mateo

    I went through the very same about three weeks ago. I was devastated, as was she. One misunderstanding caused a world of hurt and nearly destroyed the friendship that was so beneficial for the both of us. In short time we realized a good, wholesome friendship is too valuable, too rare, to give up on and mended much between us. We are not 100% today. We will be. What doesn’t break a friendship only makes it stronger over time. She is my best friend–it is possible, just not around the corner for everyone to have for their very own.

    • themanicheans

      Yep, and I had that experience too!! And now I’m good friends with the person, and so thankful nothing else happened because it would have ruined everything. But it takes balls to say no. So much easier to fall for the sex.

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