Note to Self (157) Shoot me now… or maybe later

So… The end of last week was somewhat awful. First, I worked like a dawg. Second, I thought my next divorce court date would happen next week, but it got rescheduled for in one month. And lastly, I had a nervous breakdown. Yep. Hit me like a ton of bricks.

There’s no drive, no inspiration. I feel useless. I live the bloody relationship I escaped from every single minute of every single day because this divorce is taking forever. People tell me it will pass, it’s only a momentary episode. I know these things, but they still don’t make me feel better.

I want to be done. It has been almost two years. What I think is that if he really wanted to be divorced, he’d have done it by now. But again… whatever goes through his mind is not my problem.

Dark times. I’ll get over them. Not easy. Nothing’s meant to be a breeze.

So yeah. Shoot me now. Or maybe later. I’m undecided.

And tomorrow shall be another day.


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  1. Rob Adams

    I completely sympathize. My first divorce was contentious and ugly and involved my two kids, who my STBXW* just loved to wield as a weapon against me. Wasn’t over nearly soon enough–but the pain and anguish was worth it in the end, as I was able to wash my hands of the woman, and also get the court to demand the STBXW stop screwing with the kids.

    Then, my second was amicable and involved the words “no contest.” No kids involved, neither party wanted anything from the other.

    All I really learned from both events was that I seem to not be so very good at marriage.

    It will all end. Not soon enough, of course, but it will, eventually. Hang in there:I’ll be pulling for you. And don’t let anyone shoot you; it’ll rob you of the long-awaited satisfaction.

    *STBXW: Soon-to-be-ex-wife

    • themanicheans

      Yeah the STVXH is being a dickhead too, pardon my French. But I can’t let him go without a fight. So I’m waiting. Not easy, but doable.

      Thanks for the kind words. No shooting. Just waiting.

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