Note to Self (135) Deliverance

Note to Self2 Comments

Someone lurks in the dark and I wait for a light to appear and guide me away from this place.

I breathe hard and expect to be delivered from the pain I’ve carried for too long. It’s time for change. It’s time for forgiveness.

I extend my hand as I try to catch the shadow that now stands a few feet ahead of me. I see the hint of a smile, then a stare that speaks more than words. I’m welcome here. I can find peace here.

I step forward and grab the fingers of the shadow like a child would grab his mother’s hand, and we start walking together toward the light I see blinking on the horizon.

It’s going to be a long journey, but I’m ready for the ride. I leave the past behind, all the memories, all the sorrow and the sadness are gone.

I am free.

#Blog Tour GOLD TRAIN

Blog Tour, Book Release3 Comments

And here we are… Talking about great authors with great books! Lada Ray is certainly a talented writer and a generous soul who decided to pick my blog as part of her blog tour to promote the paperback release of her bestseller Gold Train!

Time to make room for an author interview and more links featuring some awesome events during the Gold Train blog tour. Don’t hesitate to hop from blog to blog in order to discover new sites and have fun!!

Ladies and Gentlement, Lada Ray for Gold Train!

Q: Tell us a bit about yourself and your current projects.

I was born in Moscow, Russia, but my parents moved around a lot for work and I spent part of my childhood in the beautiful city of Odessa on the Black Sea. Throughout my life, I traveled to over 26 countries and finally settled down in the USA. I worked as a linguist and translator, and later as a financial consultant on Wall Street. I also obtained my Master’s certification in feng shui directly from the revered Asian Masters of this ancient art.

I like imagining my stories in bustling New York City and beautifully serene Catskill Mountains, where I live with my family and gorgeous calico cat Lily.

So far, I’ve published two Jade Snow adventure novels and one novella:

~GOLD TRAIN, gripping mystery/thriller set in Russia and based on true historic events (Jade Snow Russia Adventure);
~STEPFORD USA, a small town psychological mystery/thriller (Jade Snow Prequel);
~Green Desert, a riveting story set in Iraq (A Jade Snow Novella)

I am currently working on two other books, both to be released in 2012:

~Dragon Gate, next Jade Snow Adventure, set in Asia;
~The Earth Shifter, new YA fantasy/thriller, set in Russia (Moscow & Siberia,) US, China and other mythical locales of this surreal Blue Planet.

All up-to-date news about my books and current projects may be found at my author site: http://www.LadaRay.com

 

Q: When and why did you begin writing? What inspired you to write your first story?

I always wanted to write cool stories, which I’d been imagining in my head ever since I can remember. Instead, I listened to my well meaning parents and started my life in a more traditional way.

But a few years ago, I was flying to Asia via Dubai. After a very interesting meeting with several international journalists returning from Afghanistan, I imagined a smart, beautiful, and witty journalist, Jade Snow, who mastered to perfection the art of being in the wrong place at the right time.

I decided that it was now or never and started writing my debut novel, STEPFORD USA, a Jade Snow Prequel. I also wrote GREEN DESERT, a Jade Snow Novella.

GOLD TRAIN was a natural progression for the series. The story of the lost Russian Imperial treasure, the conspiracy to overthrow the Russian government and to upset the global balance of power fit the world of Jade Snow perfectly.

 

Q: When did you first consider yourself a writer?

As far as non-fiction goes, I had written a number of various articles at different points of my life. Some had been published with major publications throughout the world.

But nothing prepares you for the scope and complexity of writing fiction… until you actually sit down to do it.

I think the point at which I really started feeling like a writer was when I finished my debut novel, STEPFORD USA, a Jade Snow Prequel. And by the time I finished GOLD TRAIN, I knew I was in the right profession, so to speak. 😉

 

Q: How did you come up with the title of your work?

That was easy. A couple of years ago, during one of my Internet expeditions, I stumbled upon an informative documentary on Russia Today, the Russian TV network, much like what happens to Jade Snow in the book. The documentary was about the disappearance of the Gold Reserve of the Russian Empire in August 1918, during the Russian Civil War.

I avidly watched the documentary, absorbing every single detail, and immediately imagined what would happen if… I pictured the train in which the treasure was transported, the tension between the crew and the Commissar, culminating in a disaster, and the White Army ambush, resulting in the looting of the country’s entire Gold Reserve. This is the scene described in Gold Train’s dramatic prologue.

Trains and travels are in my blood, as both of my parents worked for Russian Railways. And the story is all about Russian trains – their past, present and future. In Gold Train, Jade rides the magnificent Russian Metro; boards the Saint Petersburg express; prevents the bombing of the high-speed train Sapsan. But most importantly, she is destined to uncover a conspiracy intrinsically connected to the lost Imperial treasure – the Gold Train mystery.

 

Q: What’s your writing style? Is there a message in your story that you want readers to grasp?

I think, I am a combination of different writing styles, or, you could say, my style is my own. First, I come up with the idea. I find that the better my idea is defined and the stronger the hook, the easier it is to write the book. Then, I meditate and polish up the idea in my head for a while. Simultaneously, the title just simply appears in my mind. Sometimes, I hesitate between two pretty cool titles and it’s difficult to choose the best one. That’s what happened with Stepford USA (alt. title: Virtual Paradise.)

Then, I write a solid synopsis, sometimes, both short and long versions.

I am very visual, so the events in the book would often play out before my eyes, as if in a movie. At that point, I would write the beginning (prologue, first few chapters.) And normally, that beginning stays pretty much unaltered. Then, I write some pivotal scenes, occurring throughout the book and usually the ending, which I also visualize early on.

I call these parts “the skeleton of the story.”

The hardest part for me is the middle, and I usually write it last, closing in, so to speak, from both ends – beginning and ending. However, with Gold Train, the middle flowed unusually well. Perhaps, because I was inspired.

I resort to outlining only if I feel absolutely stuck, and just writing out the sequence of events helps me get back on track. But I don’t do it often and find that I abandon the effort as soon as creative juices start flowing again.

As my writing career progresses, I find that my writing style is evolving into something completely new and exciting. All I can say, it’s a fascinating journey and I am in it for a long and thrilling ride!

As to the message in my stories… My books are very international and I am a big believer in capturing life in all its complexity and facets. Jade Snow is a very strong, independent, smart and sexy heroine. She is also the citizen of the world and her heart is always in the right place, as one reviewer pointed out. She has to go through a lot and get tested to the limit during her adventures.

I can’t emphasize enough how much our contemporary literature needs the smart and strong female characters and role models who are also real, genuine people. And how much we need more people with intelligence, courage and heart in our everyday lives! In the new world of the 21 century, we have to learn to live and work together, regardless of prejudices and borders, to understand each other and help those in need, whether it is by saving a stranger’s life, averting global disaster, or by a simple act of random kindness.

 

Q: What books have influenced your life most? Who is your favorite author?

There were lots of books during various periods that fascinated me and influenced my life for different reasons. Or the ones I simply loved to get lost in.

Some of them, in no particular order: Leo Tolstoy’s War and Peace; Many of Agatha Christie’s books, especially the Poirot series; Sherlock Holmes; I loved Harry Potter series; The Da Vinci Code; The Idiot and other works by Dostoyevsky; Alexander Dumas; Victor Hugo; Shakespeare; Rumi’s Sufi poetry; Oscar Wilde; Master and Margarita and other works by Mikhail Bulgakov, and many, many more.

 

Q: Do you have any advice for other writers?

My best advice for aspiring writers is to write. Write through thick and thin, master your craft, and if the first book doesn’t pan out, go on to the next, then the next, and so on. There are plenty of writers out there, who only saw success after a long and what seemed like fruitless effort. But no effort is in vain and success comes to those who don’t give up.

And most importantly, if your soul craves self-expression, don’t stifle it – release it. Let your soul sing, let it fly, let everyone see its beauty.

As Leo Tolstoy once said, “Don’t die with your song inside you.”

 

Q: Do you have anything specific you want to say to your readers?

Dear readers, GOLD TRAIN Paperback is now out. It will be on sale on Amazon for $9.99 (reg. $14.95) till May 6. Gold Train ebook is now only $0.99 for a limited time. Also, don’t miss other awesome blog stops and great giveaways! All relevant links and information are listed below.

More information about these Promotions, as well as Giveaways and the Gold Train Blog Tour schedule: http://ladaray.wordpress.com/blog-tours/

The next Jade Snow adventure, DRAGON GATE, will take place amongst the mystical lands of Asia. There are many more mysteries to solve, conspiracies to uncover, and yes, happiness to find!

See you on pages of my books, where Jade and I promise you a non-stop thrilling ride with heart!

Thank you, Johanna, for this terrific opportunity to share my writing and Jade Snow with the readers of your blog. I enjoyed our conversation!

***

GOLD TRAIN – A Thriller

Jade Snow Russia Adventure

This story is based on true historic events

1918, Russian Civil War. The entire Gold Reserve of the Russian Empire vanishes without a trace. But what if it’s about to resurface? And what if it’s about to be used to shift the global balance of power?

Today: the world’s largest treasure; dangerous adventure; forbidden passion, defying time and space; conspiracy that threatens to plunge the country into darkness.

International journalist, wife and mom, Jade Snow, travels to Russia to reconnect with the country of her ancestors and investigate tantalizing mystery of the Gold Train. What she doesn’t know is that she is about to land in the midst of a deadly conspiracy threatening to change the fate of one of the world’s most powerful nations, and that she is destined to meet a mysterious stranger who will change her life forever.

As her only Russian friend gets murdered, Jade finds herself embroiled in a net of intrigue, glamour and alien ideals on these strange and unfamiliar shores. On top of that, she becomes more popular than she’d ever bargained for. So popular, in fact, that it could be hazardous to her health. And she deals with this dangerous and unwanted popularity in a way that is guaranteed to surprise even the most seasoned reader.

Refusing to be a pawn in a struggle of forces beyond her control, Jade must choose between her worst friends and best enemies… and the future of the world just might depend on her choice!

Genre: Spy thriller, historic mystery, action, adventure, suspense with an element of otherworldly romance.

Pages: 232 – print version. Size: 9×6 in.

Release: eBook – 12/18/11. Paperback – 4/25/12

***

PROMOTIONS:

For a limited time on Amazon (starting on 4/24):

Buy GOLD TRAIN paperback for $9.99 (reg. $14.95)

Buy Gold Train ebook for only $0.99 (reg. $3.99)

Own all three Jade Snow ebooks for only $2.97. Gold Train, Stepford USA, Green Desert – $0.99 each!

 

More information about these Promotions, as well as Giveaways and the Gold Train Blog Tour schedule: http://ladaray.wordpress.com/blog-tours/

Check out other cool stops along the Gold Train Paperback Launch Blog Tour – not your usual tour! It includes lots of interesting interviews, reviews, as well as special features, including: JADE SNOW: Savior or Seductress; Fact and Fiction in Gold Train; Russia and I; and a rare, candid conversation with Jason Sullivan of Different Outcomes Blog about the Russian royalty and 1918 Civil War, my childhood memories riding Russian trains, and what it was like growing up in the Soviet Union. There will also be some rare and exclusive pictures. Don’t miss these very special events!

***

WHERE TO BUY GOLD TRAIN:

Amazon US  (Paperback and eBook)

Amazon UK   DE   FR   ES   IT  (Paperback and eBook)

Barnes & Noble  (eBook)

Smashwords   (eBook)

Kobo  (eBook)

Sony  (eBook)

***

USEFUL LINKS:

Blog Tour and Giveaway info: http://ladaray.wordpress.com/blog-tours

Visit Lada Ray Author Website – all about GOLD TRAIN and other books: http://www.LadaRay.com

GOLD TRAIN Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkTek8E23rg

Blog: http://ladaray.wordpress.com

Twitter: @LadaTweets

Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/LadaRay

YouTube: Lada Ray Channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/LadaRay/videos

Facebook @ Lada Ray

I am inviting you to check out the entertaining posts on Lada Ray Blog with lots of beautiful and rare photos. It’s Russia, Moscow, St. Petersburg, Russian trains and gorgeous, one-of-a-kind Russian Metro, like you’ve never seen them before! It’s also about Jade Snow and Gold Train:

GOLD TRAIN Magical Setting: Moscow, Russia

Amazing Russian Metro

The World of Russian Trains and My Childhood Memories

Gold Train: Meet Jade Snow, heroine of the Jade Snow International Adventure Series

Gold Train: Who is this mysterious Alexei?

Tsars, Oligarchs and Imperial Treasure: St. Petersburg, Russia

***

Last but not least, about Lada Ray…

BIO:

I’ve loved all the varied and exotic things I’ve done in life, but writing is by far my biggest love affair and most exciting adventure. Can’t wait to share it… See you on pages of my books!

Lada Ray is a writer, internationally certified feng shui master practitioner, world traveler, linguist, financial consultant & investor, nature/animal lover and spirituality & metaphysics researcher.

Born in Russia, Lada always wanted to write cool stories, which she’d been imagining in her head ever since she can remember. Instead, she listened to her well-meaning parents and started her life in a more traditional way (for her, that is.)

Lada holds a Master’s Degree in comparative linguistics (graduated summa cum laude,) is fluent in several languages and has traveled to over twenty six countries (she stopped counting after 26) in Europe, Asia, North and South America, as well as Africa. She had worked in Havana, Cuba as an interpreter for the Russian educational exchange delegations, including a couple of interviews with the man himself – Fidel Castro.

In the USA, she published articles in the Hartford Courant & taught Russian on cable TV. Then, something inexplicable possessed her to work as a financial consultant for AIG and Smith Barney/Citigroup.

But later, she came back to her senses and quit the corporate world to pursue her dreams. She traveled to Asia to study with the revered Hong Kong Masters of Feng Shui and obtained her International Master’s Certification (graduated first in class) with Lillian Too, world-renowned feng shui author and teacher. For years, Lada operated an extensive feng shui website and blog – a hit with fans, both locally and worldwide – and authored over thirty articles on feng shui and spirituality for her own website, as well as for the World of Feng Shui and other international publications. At the same time, she taught her proprietary feng shui courses and did public speaking.

Lada imagines her stories in bustling New York City and beautifully serene Catskill Mountains, where she lives with her family and gorgeous calico cat Lily.

Lada Ray is the author of:

~GOLD TRAIN, gripping mystery/thriller set in Russia and based on true historic events (Jade Snow Russia Adventure)

~STEPFORD USA, a small town psychological mystery/thriller (Jade Snow Prequel)

~Green Desert, a riveting story set in Iraq (A Jade Snow Novella)

Coming in 2012:

~The Earth Shifter, new YA fantasy/thriller, set in Russia (Moscow & Siberia,) US, China and other mythical locales of this surreal Blue Planet

~Dragon Gate, next Jade Snow Adventure, set in Asia

 

THANK YOU LADA FOR STOPPING BY!! 🙂

#Blog Tour GOLD TRAIN

Blog Tour, Book Release3 Comments

The blog tour for Gold Train has officially started!! Check Lada Ray’s blog for more info about her awesome book, and read her author interview on this blog on April 27, 2012!

BLOG TOUR SCHEDULE

April 25 (Wd)  SheNow.org Blog – Feature Article: JADE SNOW: SAVIOR OR SEDUCTRESS   

April 25 (Wd)  The Plot Thickens – Author interview: We discuss Gold Train’s plot

April 26 (Th)   City Girl Who Loves to Read – Author interview: We discuss Gold Train’s magical setting

April 27 (Fr)    The Manicheans – Author Interview

April 28 (Sat)   Kate’s Reads Blog – Author Interview and review

April 29 (Sun)  My Love of Reading Blog – Author Interview and review

April 30 (Mon)  Lada Ray Blog – Feature article: RUSSIA and I. Includes lots of beautiful & rare photos fo Moscow and Saint Petersburg!  

May 01 (Tu)    Different Outcomes – Author Jason Sullivan of Different Outcomes Blog and I are preparing a rare and candid interview. In it we’ll discuss the Russian Civil War; history and current state of the Russian royalty; Soviet and Russian literature and film; May Day celebration in the USSR; and the unique character of Jade Snow. In addition, we’ll talk about my childhood experiences riding Russian trains and what it was like growing up in the Soviet Union,  I will include some rare and exclusive photos. Don’t miss this one-of-a-kind event! Review included.

May 03 (Th)    Kimba the Caffeinated Book Reviewer – Interview and review (includes book giveaway: 1 author signed paperback copy and 1 ebook – for terms see Kimba the Caffeinated Blog)

May 05 (Sat)  Lada Ray Blog – Feature Article: Fact and Fiction in GOLD TRAIN

May 06 (Sun) GOLD TRAIN BOOK GIVEAWAY on Lada Ray Blog: giving away 1 author signed paperback and 3 ebooks! PLEASE SEE TERMS OF THIS GIVEAWAY AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE!

PROMOTIONS

For a limited time: Download on Amazon Kindle all three of Jade Snow ebooks for only $2.97! See all three books on Lada Ray Amazon Page!

GOLD TRAIN – only $0.99 (reg. $3.99)! Download now from Amazon!

Stepford USA – $0.99! Download now from Amazon!

Green Desert – $0.99! Download now from Amazon!

Learn all about these books/ read excerpts/ watch trailers @ http://www.LadaRay.com

Gold Train Paperback is coming to Amazon on 4/25. Early purchase: $9.99 (It is a large size paperback, 9×6 in, 232 pages, and its regular price is $14.95)

GOLD TRAIN paperback includes a sneak peek and exclusive excerpt from DRAGON GATE, next Jade Snow adventure set in Asia.

Stay tuned!

GOLD TRAIN GIVEAWAY on LADA RAY BLOG 4/25 – 5/6

Terms:

GOLD TRAIN Giveaway May 6, 2012

Giving away 1 author signed *paperback copy of GOLD TRAIN and 3 GOLD TRAIN **ebooks (Smashwords free download coupon).

Winners will be announced at 8 pm on Sunday, May 6, on Lada Ray’s blog and on Twitter.

You can be entered to win up to 6 times (per person). Please see terms below.

1. Follow Lada Ray on Twitter @LadaTweets – you earn 1 entry to win

2. Follow Lada Ray Blog (by email or via your wordpress blog) – 2 entries

3. Add Lada’s books on Goodreads – 2 entries

4. Subscribe to Lada Ray YouTube Channel – 1 entry

Or, if you don’t do YouTube, follow Lada Ray on Facebook – 1 entry

How to enter:

***1. Please leave a thoughtful, meaningful comment for one of the Lada Ray Blog posts posted between 4/25 and 5/6. Posts include: Jade Snow: Savior or Seductress 4/25; Russia and I 4/30; May 1st Interview with Different Outcomes Blog 5/1; Fact and Fiction in Gold Train 5/5.

***2. On top of your comment please include your country of residence.

***3. Below your comment please indicate your ****Twitter name. Do you follow Lada Ray on Twitter? If not, please follow @LadaTweets here:       Please provide link to your Twitter page.

***4. Do you follow Lada Ray Blog? If not, please follow either via email or your wordpress blog.

5. Have you added Lada’s books on Goodreads? If not, please add here:       Please provide link confirmation.

6. Do you subscribe to Lada Ray YouTube Channel? If not, you can subscribe here: http://www.youtube.com or, follow Lada Ray on Facebook. Please provide links confirming your subscriptions.

* Signed GOLD TRAIN Paperback contest is open only to the USA residents. Sorry for the inconvenience.

** GOLD TRAIN Ebook contest is open throughout the world. Smashwords downloads are available in most countries. Please check in advance whether Smashwords downloads are available in your country of residence. Lada Ray is not responsible for Smashwords refusal to allow download in your territory or place of residence.

*** Required information. Please note: we cannot enter you into the contest if any of the required information is missing.

**** Please be sure to provide your Twitter name. If you win, Lada will contact you via Twitter. At that point you will be required to provide your email (for ebooks), so Smashwords coupon code can be emailed to you. Your email will not be used for any other purpose. For paperback contest, you’ll be required to provide your mailing address (USA addresses only), so your copy of GOLD TRAIN could be mailed to you. Your mailing address will not be used for any other purpose. If any winner fails to respond within 24 hours, another winner will be chosen.

Complete info about these and all other Blog Tour events on this page: http://ladaray.wordpress.com/blog-tours/

 

Note to Self (134) Chin Up

Friendship, Note to Self5 Comments

In every cloud there’s a silver lining. I happen to be blind to the lining more than once, but after a long time spent in frustration, I finally see it.

I give myself enough determination to push beyond the walls that prevent me from moving forward, and force me to slow down. I’m too impatient to wait, and I need to break boundaries before they stall me for good. Change is needed, action is required.

I’m facing a dilemma right now. A dear friend of mine who doesn’t live here emails me the other day and tells me how demotivated she is not to find a job. The girl is smart, gifted, pretty, able to do anything anywhere anytime. Yet, she has been jobless for over six years. She graduated when I left France and moved to Long Island. Since my departure she hasn’t worked.

I’m in the mindset you can’t get what you want without a bit of sacrifice. Nothing will come to you, you have to be proactive. When I finished law school and looked for a job, my ex used to sit on the couch and play video games all day. I asked him if he was worried about finding a job. He replied yes. But he didn’t seem to be actively searching for a job. I made my life hell until I finally found a position in a law firm. I worried every day for nine months until I finally got hired. I can’t sit still and wait. I had to go to meetings and conferences and I networked as much as I could, meanwhile I sent probably a thousand resumes until I finally got the phone call that ended the torture once and for all.

It must be my personality, not to be able to stay idle for too long. I always hated school vacation because I had nothing to do. I admit I’m a workaholic. I love to be busy. Now sometimes I wish I could be busy with my own stuff I like to do, but I can’t have everything right away. Over time, I hope to reach that level of freedom though.

My girlfriend is the opposite of me. She has been looking – I guess – but she hasn’t really gone above and beyond to land a position somewhere. The gap in her resume between her graduation year and a potential hire is huge. There are so many things she could do or have done. But she stayed home with her parents, she’s above thirty, she doesn’t have a man in her life, and she isn’t rich either. I don’t really get her anymore. I don’t really agree with the lifestyle she chose. And in all honesty, I kinda don’t want to hear her complain about being jobless either.

Maybe it’s the system’s fault. France is a rotten country. It pays more to be jobless there than to work. And with the presidential elections going on, the situation won’t improve either. But maybe it’s also her fault for not making any efforts to find a job.

I’m all for individualism and responsibility. You make the bed you sleep in. I haven’t seen her in so long, and I’m going to France very soon, but I don’t want to listen to her ranting anymore. We’ve shared so much good, and I don’t want to upset her by telling her she has to make an effort, but I don’t want to deal with her negative attitude either.

What can I really do? Honesty makes or breaks friendships. I don’t like to lie, and pretend everything’s fine when it’s not. Maybe I should just tell her not to talk about her job finding issues when I’m around. Maybe I just worry too much.

Chin up. In every cloud there’s a silver lining. And if she really wants to be friends, she’ll have to accept my opinion too.

Let’s just hope she doesn’t take it the wrong way.

#CQ Sexy Fantasy Story

Curiosity QuillsWrite a comment

There’s a line in a song by Nickelback that says “sex is always the answer, it’s never a question”. The theme of “how much sex is too much sex in a novel?” has been done and redone, and I’ll stay away from it. Instead, I’d like to talk about how much I love sex in fantasy stories.

Sex is everything. The capacity to have erotic experiences and responses based on the attraction one character will feel for another, or the lack thereof, will determine the evolution of a behavior and a state of mind to reach a particular outcome. Sexuality is shaped by many factors such as biology, social environment, or education. I love when my fantasy female MC is a temptress. She lures men to her hideout and reveals her secrets one by one, but never does she show her true colors to anyone because she has trust issues after an ex-boyfriend broke her heart. My ideal fantasy male MC enjoys a lot of attention. He’s witty and cool, an outcast with a hint of genius. He likes girls who will impress him, and also make him nervous. He’s afraid to fall in love because he thinks love will make him weak. But when he’ll finally get infatuated he’ll experience turmoil of emotions that will change him forever.

Many fantasy novels have achieved the perfect combination of sex and love. Take the Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark. Their relationship is built on survival, yet sexual attraction grows in the background. You want these two to seal the deal, and they do, but it takes a lot of violence and killing to reach that level. Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. Watch the love triangle between Bella, Edward and Jacob. Vampires are known to be extreme sexual beings, and so are werewolves. Stephanie Meyer uses sex in a YA novel with a perfect sense of moderation. Wilde’s Fire and Wilde’s Army by Krystal Wade. Katriona is young and naïve when she meets Arland. She dreamt of him so many times before, and finally he stands before her in the world of Encardia. Her sexual attraction for him is unequivocal, but she will not have a taste of him until very far in the story, after several battles against demons and evil spells. When they finally have sex, OMG… pure awesomeness!

I love when sex is sprinkled throughout the story, a little bit like hot sauce on a delicious burrito. Your taste buds will enjoy a kick every one in a while, but too much will ruin the entire meal.

Naturally, love can exist without sex and vice versa. Chemistry can turn off and on at will, as long as it makes sense with the plot. I like the wait. I like the gradation of feelings – the first crush, the deep emotions, the denial, the surrender… Fantasy male MCs look tough and courageous, while female MCs use their charm and brains to their advantage. Give me the right amount of detail and my imagination will do the rest.

I came across supernatural/fantasy novels where sex was everywhere. Very gruesome, very raw, almost pornish and done without taste. I got turned off by the whole thing. I don’t need to know what the characters are doing to each other when they sleep together. The description of a long passionate kiss is one thing, but the sexual experience still needs to remain private. I personally don’t think a crazy sex scene will add anything to the plot, but hey, it’s only my opinion. If you enjoy it, more power to you.

In brief, I love the tease. The seduction and the hunt make the whole game worthwhile. I want to feel what the characters feel. I want to be in there with them. I want to see the dirt, the blood, the wounds, the blades and the shiny armors. Sex is the final release, the cherry on top of the cake, the homerun that will make every sacrifice worthwhile.

Yes, a good fantasy story should be all about death and life in the hands of a perfect lover.

Note to Self (133) Coming Back From The Dead

Note to Self, Writing5 Comments

It has been quite a while since I posted on this site. I went through a harsh time, mostly I felt depressed and unable to get rid of the funk I was stuck in.

I still am in a funk, but I try to stay positive. It’s hard. I’m very unhappy with a lot of things right now, but I don’t feel justified to complain about what’s wrong because my life doesn’t suck as much as other people’s life out there. I can’t throw everything away on a whim. I can’t give up. But my heart is not in it anymore. Everyday I wake up and go to work, because I need to make a living with something so I can pay bills. I sit on my chair for twelve hours and I’m miserable. More than once a day I simply want to cry.

I write my upcoming novella, and this is the only thing that keeps me sane. I go for long walks/runs in the park so I can feel whole again. There’s a hole eating me alive, and I want to make it disappear. I’m also lonely. I miss being in love. I miss knowing what I want to do with my life. I have a million projects in mind but I can’t decide on anything. Writing is my only rock.

I’ve become a different person since everything that has happened with my marriage and my divorce. I fear I’m losing sense of who I was. I fear I’m losing sense of who I want to be. I’m afraid people I love won’t accept the new me. I don’t want to disappoint anyone, and yet, I have to make a choice.

I’m going through a drastic change in my physical appearance. One year ago, I had three small tattoos on my back and that was it. Today, I’m sixty percent inked. I find myself beautiful, and I embraced the change with all my heart and soul. My art represents who I am. When you look at my tattoos you understand my story. Nobody feels repulsed or disgusted. Quite on the opposite, I’ve gotten many compliments.

But I’m not doing this for others. I’m doing this for me. The only people in the world who don’t know about them are my parents, and I don’t want to scare them. I’m not homosexual, but I can’t imagine how hard it must be for someone to come out. The sense of freedom that one must feel after enduring so much torment by hiding their true self is so empowering. I don’t compare my tattoos to homosexuality, but I think the ultimate result is the same. Telling the truth. Not lying anymore.

I’m afraid of the moment where I’ll have to break the news to my parents that their little girl is inked like a champion, and I’m no crazy freak. It feels so hard to do. Yet so necessary.

Deep breath. I can’t conform to a mold anymore. I’ve tried too hard to be what I’m not. I was never meant to be a lawyer. I was never meant to be the exemplary daughter on the honor roll. But to come and live here, I had to stick to this image so I could make my dreams come true.

I’ve changed so much. I’ve become a better person in so many ways. God guided me to where I am today, and the journey isn’t even over yet. My ex told me once I had to change and become the person he wanted me to be. But I didn’t. I stayed true to myself.

I pray to have the strength to continue strong with my writing. These words are my life. Nothing else makes me happier than writing.

I love you. I hope to look back on this one day and smile at the foolishness of my thoughts, because then I’ll know I’d have truly succeeded in everything I undertook.

Note to Self (132) Being an #Artist

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I’m hitting the bottom again. I’m unhappy with a lot of things, frustrated with my life as it is, and I want it to change. I’m tired of the routine, I’m tired of the boredom. I just want to escape and do what I was meant to do. But how?

Misery loves company. I feel like nothing’s right. I have bills to pay. One side of me wants to go, the other side tells me to stay. I’d like to just take off and leave everything behind. I’d like to be free. Pack a bag and travel the world like an artist. No strings attached. No obligations. No responsibilities.

I’m at a point where everything reached a tipping point. And I’m about to lose it. The only good thing about being miserable is that I can write beautiful things.

Can I say something out loud?

F***.

Ah much better.

Note to Self (131) Unexpected Happenings

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I like when life takes me by surprise and shows me new stuff I didn’t think were possible. Of course, the new stuff can be bad and ugly like the unfortunate episode with Mr. Whitecastle face you can re-read or read here. Other times, the new stuff is simply awesome.

Where does the awesomeness begin? Well… I heard from a guy I met very recently. We texted a lot, kept in touch that way, until he asked me if I was free to hang out, and I said, sure why not. I had nothing planned. I didn’t expect him to treat me like a queen, but he did. He did and that felt nice. I had fun, laughed a lot, went to see the Hunger Games and I just loved everything about the unexpected decision he made to touch base and spend a few hours together.

You know, even the episode with Mr. Whitecastle face happened unexpectedly. It turned out a disaster, but still… The beginning was nice.

For a while I didn’t feel appreciated for what I did and who I was. I left a toxic marriage and tried to find worth in the eyes of men I met along the way, because I wanted to feel desired again. It was unhealthy. The search for attention didn’t help me at all, until I finally made peace with myself and decided to stop searching for a boyfriend, and to simply enjoy life and meet new people. I made friends, and I played nice. I don’t intend to marry all the men I meet. Quite on the opposite, I love to cultivate new friendships.

It’s not about booty calls and quick dates anymore. I like the courtship. I like the seduction. I like to take my time.

I’ve a friend who went through a breakup recently and she is a bit too hungry with men. She jumps over them like food. Ultimately, they treat her like a piece of meat. I don’t want to be a piece of meat. I want to be respected and appreciated. And the more unexpected happenings will come my way, the more I’ll drive away from the bullshit. Plain and simple.

So hit me up. I’m always ready for a good time with great like-minded people. 🙂