Hospital for Souls #SaturdaySong #32Seconds

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I love the song Hospital for Souls by Bring Me The Horizon (yes, that’s the actual band name, I didn’t make this one up.)

The beginning starts with these words:

And then I found out how hard it is to really change.
Even hell can get comfy once you’ve settled in.
I just wanted the lonely inside me to leave.
No matter how fucked you get, there’s always hell when you come back down.
The funny thing is all I ever wanted I already had.
There’s glimpses of heaven in every day.
In the friends I have, the music I make, the love that I feel.
I just had to start again.

It’s easy to forget the good and focus on the bad. No matter how effed up my day or my week can be, the silver lining always appears in the cloud that looms over my head. I cannot fail. I will not fail.

The days are a death wish
A witch hunt for an exit
I am powerless…

The fragile, the broken
Sit in circles and stay unspoken
We are powerless…

Because we all walk alone on an empty staircase
Silent halls and nameless faces
I am powerless…

Everybody wants to go to Heaven
But nobody wants to die
I can’t fear death no longer
I’ve died a thousand times

Why explore the universe
When we don’t know ourselves?
There’s an emptiness inside our heads
That no one dares to dwell…

Throw me to the flames
Watch me burn!
Set my world ablaze
Watch me burn!

How are we on a scale of one to ten?
Could you tell me what you see?
Do you wanna talk about it?
How does that make you feel?

Have you ever took a blade to your wrists?
Have you been skipping meals?
We’re gonna try something new today
How does that make you feel?

This song expresses everything that’s going through my head. I couldn’t have said it better. These times of gloom, when I thought it was me against the world, and the world against me, when I stood tall and powerful, taking a swig of booze to show everyone how strong I was, are gone. I’m left with feelings, and these feelings suck balls sometimes. But more often than not, these feelings are wonderful. I am not afraid of who I am anymore. I’m not trying to change to please anyone. Time heals my pain, and helps me see the silver lining even when I convince myself there’s no silver lining anywhere for me to see.

I am only human. And life is beautiful.

My MC Julie Jones (upcoming release 32 Seconds) feels the same way. And she can’t wait until her story is out. Soon I tell her, the editing is still ongoing. 🙂

Have a good weekend!

Do it, own it, live it #WW

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Happy Wednesday! Here, it’s a happy rainy day, hopefully where you are, it’s sunny and nice out. Not too cold, not too warm, you know the drill…One of these days where you don’t have to sit in an office, and can lounge and do whatever you feel like doing.

Writing was my favorite thing to do as a kid, besides building castles out of legos, and playing with my cat. I hated school. I still do. LOL I love to learn, but on my own terms. Once, I told my first grade teacher how much I admired her because I thought she knew everything there was to know about life. When she said she didn’t, I didn’t believe her. Today, I do. No one knows anything aside from what they learned by reading a book, or experienced in life. The rest is unknown. The unknown can be scary to some people. I love not knowing what comes next. The challenges of life keep me going. I learn something new every day. And every day, I realize I was better off not knowing. LOL

Being an adult sucks balls. True fact of life. I like the independence but hate the responsibilities. I haven’t found a magic trick yet to cruise through life without worrying about bills, and the job, and myself, and people I love, and crap that piles up on my plate when I expect it the least. If I worry all the time, I don’t get to enjoy my day. That’s where writing comes in. Writing helps me feel like a kid again. No worries, no responsibilities. I put words on paper and dream. It’s a really nice escape.

I get to be a superhero in my stories. I get to talk about the city I live in, and the people who annoy the heck out of me. I commit crimes, or do the next right thing, and the dream ends exactly like I want to. It’s like going on vacation without buying a plane ticket. I like my imaginary world.

Writing is my therapy. Writing is the air I breathe. Without it, I don’t know what I would do. Probably stupid stuff. Writing helped me become the person I am today.

If you’re struggling as an author, and don’t know if writing is really your thing, ask yourself that simple question: do you feel different when you don’t write, like a limb is missing? If yes, then, keep working on it. Do it, own it, live it. Practice doesn’t necessarily make perfect, but it helps improve skills, and who knows, in a few years from now, you’ll maybe publish a few novels, and gather a nice following.

Someone said no one reads anymore. Why write? Because somewhere on this planet, someone will still want to read the words you wrote. And these words can change their life. I grew up reading books that turned my world upside down, and made me want to write my own stories.

Writing is a gift. Share it and not only your life will be better, but other people’s too. I believe in the power of words. No matter how technologically advanced we are and will be decades from now, writing will always matter. When everything is gone, and all you have left is a pencil, words will still flow.

So do it. Own it. Live it. Don’t be afraid.

A lil love goes a long way – Promote your thoughts, not just your product

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Happy Friday to all! Recurring topic of conversation I’ve had with fellow authors – what to blog about? Is blogging even necessary? Aren’t you supposed to write and promote your work when all is said and done, and the awful marketing process starts? And when you’re not promoting your book, write another book, and don’t waste time blogging about today, and how you feel, because no one cares.

Well…If you want to establish a brand, you will have to sell not only your books, but your personality too. If readers know nothing about you, what chances do you have to stand out among the millions of other books available?

Here’s my take on this. If you disagree with my opinion, more power to you. But if you’re looking to establish yourself as a brand, maybe my words of advice will help you.

Social media and blogging help tremendously with building your brand. I don’t believe in the “I’m a recluse and all I do is write” type of deal, because as a recluse, you will remain a recluse. No one will come and look for you (besides family members). And yes writing is important – DUH! – but blogging and posting on social media is equally important. You will sell more if you advertise more. And when I say advertise, I mean sell your personality, not just coupons.

I will read your book if I like the perception I have of you. You can be a complete dickhead in real life, I won’t start an investigation to figure you out, but the simplest, funniest, corkiest posts on your blog or Facebook or Twitter account can take you a very long way. No need to be selfish, and claim you don’t write for free. WTF is that anyway? I don’t write for free? Really? Writing is about writing, money comes next. If you don’t love the art for the sake of the art, and your sole objective is to make money, well, choose another career path. Seriously. I can’t tell you how many tweets I see that are only about selling a product, but what about your thoughts, huh? Your objectives, your fears, your struggles…Oh I get it, you want to keep all that stuff to yourself, you selfish lil bastard.

Because why share the love? Why? Love is free to give, so where’s the point?

Well, I don’t stick to that standard. Trust me, I tried. And I felt like a salesman. Writing became a chore because my main objective was to promote my book. Look at me, I published something, yay! Now buy it. Go buy my book. Go. I’m telling you to go buy it, darn it. Why don’t you buy it?????

Pulling hair and grinding teeth, drinking way too many caffeinated drinks and not sleeping, wondering when I’ll sell a book, I told myself – just telling people to buy your book won’t make them buy it. You gotta sell more than that. Share the love – FOR FREE!!! – and watch your following grow, slowly, but surely. And then someday, someone will buy your book and review it – 5 STARS!! I’m gonna pass out – and maybe the sales will drop again, but guess what? Money is not my main objective.

I want to have fun. Writing isn’t supposed to become a chore. Don’t take me wrong, I love writing, and wish I could write all day. Reality told me I couldn’t because my dream – and my $5 in sales – won’t pay my bills – yet. I still need the day job. I’ve accepted that fact, and learned to enjoy it. And I admit I didn’t push very hard my marketing. LOL

Even bestselling authors struggle with low sales. It’s a fact. Once you’ve made the top of that NYT list – or any kind of list – bask in the light for as long as you can, but return to your desk and computer pronto, and write more. Promote yourself more. Keep sharing the love, keep entertaining people. And if you feel like it, give away coupons and swags too. Heck! Whatever works for you.

Give, give, give. You’ll get so much in return. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but down the line, you will. It’s true. I’m not delusional. 😉

That’s it for today. Have a good weekend folks!

When dreams die (and when they resuscitate)

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“Resurrection of Dead Dreams” is actually the title of a book that belongs to a series authored by a dear friend who’s been through a lot physically, emotionally and spiritually. I got to know her gradually at my workplace, as my office was located right behind her cubicle. When we started sharing thoughts and ideas about writing, our friendship blossomed into an extraordinary collaboration of two crazy minds meant to undertake a beautiful journey. Because of my selfishness while I was still out there drinking and feeling sorry for myself, our friendship took a toll, and I didn’t expect forgiveness. Our journey through life and the writing world was meant to continue, and today, I am privileged to count her as one of my closest friends, and she is a great source of inspiration.

Dreams and reality don’t really work well together, except when the stars align perfectly, and a dream comes true. Often though, a dream remains a dream, and reality does a fine job making sure we stay on track paying bills, taking care of our family, and acting as responsible adults. Childhood dreams die as we grow, to be replaced with other dreams, that may die also. Out of all my dreams, most of them died somehow. New dreams were born in my frantic mind, and they followed the same path. The death of a dream can be discouraging, heartbreaking, and may lead to feeling jaded and bitter about life.

I’ve felt jaded often. I didn’t look at positive things, only focused on the negative. I dwelled on all my bad experiences, and learned from them by promising never to dream again. Of course, I’ve failed. I’m only human. Without dreams, I am dead inside.

A dream may die, and another may come to life to die again, but sometimes, dead dreams resuscitate, and give me the incentive I need to start a new project and follow through with it. Writing was a childhood dream of mine that died when I finished high school and started college. I pushed writing away and focused on being an adult. What I learned from this experience is that killing my dream was like killing a part of me, and I never truly mourned that loss. Writing went into a coma for ten long years, before being resuscitated after talking for a few minutes with my friend, and exchanging ideas about her book, “Resurrection of Dead Dreams”.

Since then, writing has been a part of my life stronger than ever. My writing style is far from perfect, as English isn’t my mother tongue, but I keep trying because this is what I was meant to do. I swallow my pride and ask for help from my editor. We all need a good editor in our back pocket!

Dead dreams don’t really disappear. They stay buried in the cemetery that is our mind, and it is our choice to resuscitate them or not. I believe that with enough willingness and hard work any dream can come true.

I made writing my daily reality, and certainly couldn’t live without it. When everything feels out of place, the writing bug remains. It is the best disease to have, and I’m blessed to be infected by it.

#TGIF Trip to DC and I did no writing

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But got comments from my editor last night on 32 Seconds and I’m moving forward nicely. Which makes me feel really good about all the work I put in. And I’m close, very close to my goal. The trick is not to lose focus.

So I went on a business trip to DC and didn’t write. Memorial Day weekend – I didn’t write either because of work, and as much as I love the extra money, neglecting my writing makes me feel like I’m losing my mind.

And trust me I know what losing my mind feels like.

Nothing I can do about work though. I need my sleep and exercise to stay sane – that I don’t neglect under any circumstances – except tonsillectomy. But that was once.

We all have to pay our bills and my job is tough and requires I devote a lot of time to it – taking that time away from my writing. I still managed to write and edit so I must be doing something right. I wish I could write more though. My inspiration dies a little inside when I don’t practice daily.

On a positive note, I’ve reached a mindset today that allows me to juggle writing life and job without killing myself in the process. And that’s the most important thing. Without sobriety, I don’t know where I’d be. Probably stuck in some parallel universe trying to understand my true nature, like the MC in 32 Seconds.

Have a good weekend folks, hopefully next week the editing/writing will have progressed!

Put this one in the #freezer!

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Happy Friday folks! Long weekend ahead, hopefully you can rest and enjoy yourselves (with moderation, always with moderation!). I think I’m going to start Friday posts and write on how to deal with life in a positive way – so you can take my advice and apply it during the weekend and see whether it works for you or not…

Today – how to deal with people who annoy the heck out of you?

I’m not talking long term friendships or issues with family members, although maybe my trick will work for them too, who knows, the universe works in mysterious ways. I’m referring to strangers, co-workers, people you run into once in a blue moon who manage to push your buttons with one single comment, one misplaced look, and drive you nuts for the rest of the day.

I admire people who know how to let it go. I have a tendency to get frustrated and dwell on whatever a person said to me that just didn’t sound right, and I go on and on in my little head about how this person irritated me so much, I just wish I could slap them right here and there.

The worst is when people treat me like I’m stupid. They’re usually not the sharpest tool in the shed, and they think I’m dumber than them. Gosh, when a situation like that arises, I simply want to break their neck.

Here’s my piece of advice on how to deal with suckers, and not let them ruin your entire day. Remember these people don’t have power over you until you let them disturb your inner peace. You have the control to keep them out of your thoughts. Whether you want to resent them for the rest of eternity is really up to you. I don’t like to stay angry, first I don’t look good, second it’s bad for my blood pressure, and third, I have better things to do.

Therefore, here’s a very simple thing I do whenever a sucker crosses my path: I write their name on a piece of paper, close my eyes and say “Bless you and may you find peace in your heart”, and then I stick the paper in my freezer and shut the door on it.

Well, that trick works. Trust me, I did it and gosh, the anger disappeared instantly.

If you don’t like to freeze people, you can also burn them. Or shred them. Or flush them. Or dissolve them. I must sound like a psychopath right now.

Anyhow…let me know if this technique works for you!

Happy Memorial Day weekend!

freezer-1

 

#Editing – the mud run of the writing process

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“I’ve found the best way to revise your own work is to pretend that somebody else wrote it and then to rip the living shit out of it.” 
― Don Roff

Okay, some people have bad experiences with self-published books because most of these books are not properly edited. And because they are filled with horrible mistakes, readers who don’t like to take risks get the general impression that self-pubbed books are just shitty and therefore, not worth their time.

Let’s make an analogy. For those of you who love tattooing, and watch TV shows about tattoo artists, “the best in the nation”, who compete for $100,000 and the title of “Watch me get my fifteen minutes via your cablebox”, you will understand what I’m referring to. Tons of people claim they can tattoo because they own a machine, some ink and their friends let them do work on them for free, because they’re too cheap to try to get a decent piece at some reputable tattoo parlor instead of on their apprentice tattooist friend’s couch. “Yeah man, my friend drew this bunny rabbit who’s sucking on a carrot, ain’t that amazing?” No, dude. It isn’t. It’s lame. And you give bad reputation to guys who actually do a legit job out there and who don’t want to be on TV. What’s popular and hip isn’t exactly evidence of talent and quality. I don’t need to make another analogy to convince you of that simple fact.

Well, writing is like tattooing. And I’m tired of hearing self-pubbed books suck because they aren’t edited properly. I worked with a small publisher, and published a story that wasn’t edited either. Some work was done, but the overall mud run of frustration and the slow and painful drowning in quicksand of self-doubt during the editing process didn’t happen at all. There was no plot review. No manuscript assessment. No questioning from the publisher whether my story made any darn sense. Copy editing was a joke, and proofreading okay, I guess. So here. No self-pubbed enterprise, and my story still looked like the botched bunny rabbit sucking on a carrot freshly tattooed by a wannabe tattoo artist who had no idea what the heck he was doing. This experience led me to 1) leave that publisher 2) forget I’ve ever published that story.

Self-pubbed works will suck if the editing sucks. It’s a pretty simple concept to understand. There needs to be a manuscript assessment to make sure the plot is solid. Then and only then comes copy-editing, and proofreading. But once these three steps are completed, you still need a few beta readers, then you grab the hatchet and go at the story again in case some skeleton still awaits in a dark and isolated corner of your plot, and bam, one more round of reading/editing, and you should be done.

So before pressing the “publish” button, revise the work as much as possible. I don’t understand how people can let some crap out there, thinking they published something amazing, when all they did is cast another veil of stinky poo over all the others writers who try their hardest to release well-edited works. That stuff pisses me off beyond belief. But like tattoo artists, you got the good and you got the bad.

Hiding behind a publishing house as a brand of quality is bullcrap, my friends. Nowadays, everything needs to be proofed a million times, no matter how the work was published. Just picture that bunny rabbit. Do you see it? Good. Because that’s the image I’m going to keep in mind every time I come across a book that hasn’t been edited. There’s no excuse. Edit your work or stay the fly out of self-publishing platforms.

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Self-Publishing v. Traditional Publishing – where do you draw the line?

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Is there even a line to be drawn? The debate is endless. With the latest editing software and a few tricks learned at a writing convention, anyone can self-publish. Does it mean your story will be worth the reader’s time? Absolutely not. Traditionally or self-published books belong to the same basket – ask and you shall receive a crappy story from a big 5 publisher or an indie author. Or, you’ll find a beautiful gem buried in the millions books available today on Amazon, B&N, or Smashwords.

Writing, like anything else, needs time and work. Poor grammar, spelling errors, lack of plot, unrealistic characters, the list goes on and on, make for a crappy story. That’s where the line should be drawn. I’ve read books published by big houses, and they sucked balls. These same books that were made into movies, and collected millions of dollars in merchandising, I’m sorry, but in my opinion, they were shitty as hell. Now, I dug through Amazon’s listings, and paid a couple of bucks for indie books, and bam! My day was made.

We’ve come to a point where reading is accessible to everyone in any format – but the time to read is becoming less and less, as we are busy with work, family and life in general. I agree it’s easier for me to sit through a two-hour motion picture than read a book, especially if the story doesn’t appeal to me. I rarely stop watching a crappy movie, I just don’t pay attention but the images still distract me. A book on the other hand…once you lost me, you don’t get me back.

So here we are – authors flourish and blossom at every street corner of Twitter and Facebook and Google + and so on, claiming they have finally found the story that will catch your attention. Marketing is key. Getting to know the author on a semi-personal level helps a bit too. I will read your book if I think you’re a cool chick or guy, with ideas and a style I identify with. Yet again, I will buy a book to be supportive, and behind closed doors, cry myself to sleep because I can’t finish reading the darn story. And then I can’t bring myself to review your work on Amazon or Goodreads because I don’t want to be a dick. And when you ask me, so did you read my book? I nod energetically, yes yes absolutely, loved it! Oh gosh. At this rate, I’m going to get struck by lightning and vanish in a big poof of smoke.

Seriously, it’s not always like that though. Very often I’ve bought indie gems, and have raved about them on every platform possible. Talent and creativity cannot be manufactured, no matter how any marketing strategy works. And I’m saddened when I fall upon a great book, and notice the author doesn’t sell much because no one really knows his writing is so good, you want to stuff your face in it until you can’t take it anymore – just like a big piece of cake.

Today’s competition is extremely tough, but the secret is to hang on no matter how many hurdles we have to jump over. If you’re an author and decide to write commercial stuff because your goal is to sell, go for it. If you’re more inclined to write about what really makes your skin crawl and gives you goose pumps, go for it too. It doesn’t matter in this day and age what path you take, the journey will always be worthwhile.

I find it refreshing to see so much art and inspiration on a day-to-day basis. And next convention I’ll go to, I’ll enjoy it because I’m part of a process that makes me feel good about myself. Remember, writing is all about finding your voice. Just like painting, singing, tattooing, or designing clothes. To each his own. And the debate on traditional v. indie publishing should stop once and for all, because honestly, who gives a flying monkey banana?

Just write, read and have fun.

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#Humility

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Humility is a word I’ve learned to use more often nowadays. A few years back, I would have laughed in your face and demonstrated in all possible ways how humble I was, and how I didn’t need to get humbler because truly, I was the humblest out there.

Fact. I was the cockiest jerk alive. And I believed my life revolved around hitting the bestseller list, becoming a millionaire by selling books, and being worshiped like a god because I deserved it. All this hard work trying to be a successful author, it couldn’t be wasted. Had the devil showed up at my door, I’d have signed a contract right here and there to sell my soul for fame and fortune. No matter the consequences, material achievement was my primary goal. Young-Adult

Needless to say, all this cockiness led me nowhere but straight into a wall. Have you ever watched the movie Young Adult starring Charlize Theron? She portrays a successful YA author, who has no real friends, drinks herself into oblivion, tries to rekindle a relationship with her ex knowing he’s moved on since breaking up with her, and all she does is drive herself more insane, day by day, thinking she’s the hottest and smartest, and treating everyone else around her like crap because look at her, she’s was successful once!

Yeah, well, somehow, I was her. And it took a good slap in the face to understand material gain meant nothing if I wasn’t humble, and truly meant it, not pretended it. Humility takes work. It’s much easier to tell people to go eff themselves, than to realize I am in the wrong. Humility comes with maturity. And just because I manage to stay off my high horse one day doesn’t mean I’m not going to jump on it tomorrow, so constant reminders I’m not the hottest piece out there is mandatory homework if I want to stay sane.

I often compared myself to other authors and thought the worst about their work, without really taking a close look at my own writing, and realizing, well, my work needs serious improvement. Why spend so much time focusing on what others were doing wrong, and think I already knew everything? I lacked humility.

Today, I put things in perspective. I understand we all go at our own pace, and some go faster than others, some win prizes before I do, and you know what? It’s fine. I’m happy for them. I’m not going to spend time dissecting every word out of your story, and highlighting all the mistakes. It’s not my job. I’m here to improve myself. Not judge.

No matter where this adventure takes me, to a bestselling title or not, I’m not looking for fame and fortune. All I’m trying to do is express myself to the best of my abilities. The bitter and egocentric me has been chained down to the radiator in the basement of my writing castle, and I’m not letting this fucker out.

I’m done being an ass.

 

#32 Seconds (and my tonsillectomy)

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Are they even related? Well…let’s say I managed to finally review, rewrite and self-edit my book while recuperating from a tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy performed ten days ago because my tonsils were simply making my life hell for the past few years.

So in between takes of Tylenol extra-strength (I refused to get narcotic pain medication – I read it wouldn’t have done much anyway), I sat on the couch and re-read 32 Seconds for the x million time, and finally decided the WIP was at a stage where the editor could come in and give me his input. Writing this book has been excruciating, probably not as much as the pain I went through with recovery from surgery, but enough mental struggle to make me doubt about my writing more than once. And more than once, I told myself I had to finish this story. No matter how many times I replotted the whole thing, the book had to come out.

And it will come out. I’m confident I’ll be able to release it at the end of this summer, just in time to promote it during the fall and winter holidays, and then, I’m back on the saddle with Book 1 of the Manicheans Trilogy.

Every challenge brings its load of questions and answers. Working on 32 Seconds was difficult because 1) I wrote in the first person, 2) my main character was a teenager, and 3) I mixed fantastical elements with reality, and this was tricky, of course. Keeping track of the rules of one world versus another world, while preserving the integrity of each character and making them come to life in a realistic fashion was extremely challenging, but I didn’t give up. Now let’s wait for the editor’s feedback, and maybe I’ll change my opinion completely about this book and think it’s crap after all. But I doubt it. Not this time.

So here I am. One project almost completed, another project awaiting my efforts. I started working on 32 Seconds about two years ago, the Manicheans, three years ago. All these stories have been maturing in my writing cave, and I cannot wait to tackle the Manicheans and release Volume 1 in 2015. That epic tale promises to knock my (and your) socks off.

32 Seconds

At seventeen years old, Julie Jones is one tormented teenager for whom the glam and glitz of Los Angeles don’t mean much anymore. Born troublemaker, she seeks to forget about the demons of her past by leaving her family and friends behind. Her journey to a fresh start takes her to the outskirts of a small town where an old lady lures her outside a one-dollar store, and gives her an enchanted chocolate.

After eating the magic piece of candy, Julie enters a parallel universe called the Underworld, where she meets her handsome guide, Evan. Despite her constant struggle to grasp the severity about her past deeds, and the main reason behind her ill-being, Julie keeps moving on through obstacles and challenges as Evan feeds her answers to many of her questions.

Why does Julie feel like she doesn’t belong anywhere? Why does her anger control every one of her actions? Why does she keep having visions about her best friend Kara, whom she hasn’t been in touch with for the past two years?

It only takes thirty-two seconds to surrender. Deep down, Julie knows she won’t find peace of mind until she accepts the truth about her anger. And why Kara keeps coming back.