I love the song Hospital for Souls by Bring Me The Horizon (yes, that’s the actual band name, I didn’t make this one up.)
The beginning starts with these words:
And then I found out how hard it is to really change.
Even hell can get comfy once you’ve settled in.
I just wanted the lonely inside me to leave.
No matter how fucked you get, there’s always hell when you come back down.
The funny thing is all I ever wanted I already had.
There’s glimpses of heaven in every day.
In the friends I have, the music I make, the love that I feel.
I just had to start again.
It’s easy to forget the good and focus on the bad. No matter how effed up my day or my week can be, the silver lining always appears in the cloud that looms over my head. I cannot fail. I will not fail.
The days are a death wish
A witch hunt for an exit
I am powerless…
The fragile, the broken
Sit in circles and stay unspoken
We are powerless…
Because we all walk alone on an empty staircase
Silent halls and nameless faces
I am powerless…
Everybody wants to go to Heaven
But nobody wants to die
I can’t fear death no longer
I’ve died a thousand times
Why explore the universe
When we don’t know ourselves?
There’s an emptiness inside our heads
That no one dares to dwell…
Throw me to the flames
Watch me burn!
Set my world ablaze
Watch me burn!
How are we on a scale of one to ten?
Could you tell me what you see?
Do you wanna talk about it?
How does that make you feel?
Have you ever took a blade to your wrists?
Have you been skipping meals?
We’re gonna try something new today
How does that make you feel?
This song expresses everything that’s going through my head. I couldn’t have said it better. These times of gloom, when I thought it was me against the world, and the world against me, when I stood tall and powerful, taking a swig of booze to show everyone how strong I was, are gone. I’m left with feelings, and these feelings suck balls sometimes. But more often than not, these feelings are wonderful. I am not afraid of who I am anymore. I’m not trying to change to please anyone. Time heals my pain, and helps me see the silver lining even when I convince myself there’s no silver lining anywhere for me to see.
I am only human. And life is beautiful.
My MC Julie Jones (upcoming release 32 Seconds) feels the same way. And she can’t wait until her story is out. Soon I tell her, the editing is still ongoing. 🙂
Have a good weekend!
The Manicheans 