Note to Self (206) My Higher Power

Why am I up, checking my phone at 3 am? I always wake up around that time. Then I usually go back to bed and finally fall right back asleep just to slam the snooze button twenty minutes later with a grunt that would scare any other living being in the apartment – my cat got used to it by now.

I had the privilege to meditate today. For ten minutes, I sat in silence, in a room full of people, with the lights off. What a strange experience I must admit. There were probably a hundred people in that room, and we all sat there, perfectly still, not saying a word to each other for ten minutes. The ability we all had to respect each other’s spiritual journey was simply amazing. I honestly didn’t know what to do during ten minutes. I prayed. I thought about nothing – which for me is super hard to do. I listened to the silence. I focused on my breathing. Yet mostly, all I could managed to really achieve was this powerful connection with the moment present and my higher power, thanking him for being there, alive, healthy, safe and sound. How could a room full of people become so beautifully united for ten solid minutes but for the grace and the serenity of a higher power?

I surrendered completely to him when I crossed the threshold of these rooms. No matter where I am, I believe I am not enough without him. I cannot be without him. My purpose, my life, my entire existential journey is not solitary anymore since I’ve accepted him. And he brings me peace. He takes away the fears I held for so long within. I can finally breathe. I can finally enjoy every second I’m awake thanks to him.

There’s a psalm I like to read:

Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the way of sinners, not sit in the company of scoffers.

Rather, his delight is in the law of the Lord and on that law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree planted near streams of water, which bears fruit in its season and whose leaves never wither. In the same way, everything he does will prosper.

This is not true of the wicked, for they are like chaff that the wind blows away. Therefore, the wicked will not stand firm at the judgment, not sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.

Every time I read this, I know what to do. There’s nothing to fear because I have my higher power. I’m strong, willing and determined to change my life for the better. With my higher power by my side, I won’t fail.

And this is it for the philosophical interlude… Going back to sleep now.