Note to Self (188) #Children

I confirm I got a call from Mother Nature, and my biological clock is ticking so hard it’s impossible to ignore the obvious. The same thought is on my mind all the time. I go to bed with it, wake up with it, walk on the street and constantly wonder what my life would be like if I was a mother.

And I must say over the years, my reaction has changed from totally appalled to absolutely excited.

I hated children from age 0 to 29. I’m 29. Simple enough. I didn’t know what to do with them. I didn’t grow up with siblings, never experienced another baby in the household, and later on, didn’t have girlfriends who had babies early. The few pregnant females in my vicinity didn’t catch my interest at all when I attended law school. To me, I wasn’t even supposed to be a mother.

Once I got married, the repulsion didn’t go away. There was no way on earth I would get pregnant. Some of my ex’s friends married girls who were obsessed with kids, and logically, turned me even more off to the idea. Just not my thing, I would always say. The people I hung out with in NYC were all in their 40s, miserable as hell because they couldn’t find a suitable relationship, and they never talked about having children either. The dating scene in NYC is horrible enough, let’s not add kids to the mix. One of these former acquaintances even claimed children didn’t bring anything but lots of love handles, sleepless nights, and cranky days. I didn’t necessarily agree with that statement, but I didn’t have any counter example in my environment either to really understand the role of children in an adult’s life. So I let it slide and forgot about the whole thing.

And yes, sometimes you feel something that is overrated by the media and society in general might not get your full attention until you’re truly put face to face with it, and make your own opinion about it. This is what happened to me this year during Memorial Day weekend and truly changed everything.

My good friend and talented author Krystal Wade has three adorable children. My publishers Lisa Gus and Eugene Teplitsky have also now two awesome kiddos. These little bundles of joy proved I could be happy surrounded by them, and I wanted them in my life too. There isn’t one day where I don’t think about them. There isn’t one minute where I don’t want to hold them, hear them laugh, and watch them grow.

Children are awesome. There’s no other word. Despite the tears, the temper tantrums, the angry fits, the frustration, and all the bad that comes with the birth of a little one, there’s this beautiful feeling that their existence is bound to ours, and without us, they’re nothing. We mold them into adults, intelligent beings who become friends, and make us proud. It’s going to sound cheesy, but I cannot wait until I can have one of my own. And yes, this means I will have a child – remarried or not, in a relationship or not – and I’m not going to jeopardize such an amazing adventure just because I’m single, or too busy, or my apartment is too small.

Life doesn’t end with the birth of a child. It begins in a different way. The world doesn’t revolve around us anymore, it focuses on them. What can I say, I’m totally in love. And yes, Mother Nature just made me realize the clock was ticking a little too hard not to be heard…

All in due time of course.

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