Note to Self (185) Crush

Another interesting topic: crushes.

I remember crushing on a new guy every week when I was eleven years old. At thirteen, I fell in love for the first time. It was actually a huge crush that persisted. Nothing ever happened between this guy and me. I did his homework and tried to get his attention as much as I could, but nothing worked. He liked another chick. Broke my little heart.

I experienced a million other crushes after that. Movie stars, singers, classmates… Anyone who looked good became the object of my affection, although I never got to really know the person I was infatuated with. I was living a fantasy on a day to day basis.

My first and so far only love – I married him, and now divorced him.

No one else made me feel the familiar butterflies in my stomach. I had a few moments of weakness where I thought I could experience a new crush, but overall, nothing happened.

There’s this one crush I have now – and it feels different, because I am friends with the person – so I actually get to know him. First time we talked, we hit it off right away. Second time we hung out, I was definitely charmed. But we can’t do much more than just hang out. Many reasons why. Anyway, that person is in my mind but I’m fighting hard to push him out of my thoughts because I know I just have a huge crush.

I love to feel this turmoil of emotions, but my reason tells me it’s better to back off. First, I don’t date people I work with. Second, I don’t want to be in a relationship. Third, I’m afraid if something happened between us, our friendship would die. And I really cherish our friendship right now.

So I keep my crush a secret, and hope he finds a girl to fall in love with and I don’t have a reason to crush on him anymore.

Crushes are nice for a little while, as long as they remain fantasy. And I get to create my own romantic dreams, which is always a good thing to fall asleep. 😉

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