Note to Self (183) The Introspection Continues

Today I officially broke up with my girlfriend. She didn’t come to rekindle our friendship. She just wanted closure. Knowing her other friends told her a lot of lies about me just because that’s what asshole people do when they have the right opportunity presented to them, she decided to rely on their judgment and kick me out of her life for good.

I don’t blame her. I punched her in the face. What no one talks about is why I actually punched her.

Our first violent fight dated back to New Year’s Eve. We had to get separated by bouncers otherwise we would have mutually punched each other in the face. The argument started on a misunderstanding. She had too much to drink, got emotional, I tried to calm her down, and she started just going nuts at me. That night was quite horrible. We eventually made up, but I wasn’t looking forward to fighting again.

But we argued again. This time it was at the Hamptons. July 4th weekend. Again she had too much to drink. Got involved with a duper asshole, felt like he didn’t treat her right and got upset when he hooked up with another chick in front of her. I tried to be there for her, but she made things worse by stalking the guy, and becoming obsessive. I told her to stop acting so irrationaly. He wasn’t worth the time or the energy. I ended up being blamed for what happened to her and had to sleep in another room because she was about to kick my ass.

The whole drama with this guy continued for several weeks. She saw him in the City. Had a crush on him. Lived in total denial. I expressed my opinion I disagreed with what she was doing, to which she said I should have her back no matter what because that’s what friends do.

Ok. Maybe not in my book. But I still tried to keep things at peace.

Last weekend of August. Hamptons again. Same guy, same booze level, more drama. At this point I heard enough. I saw enough. I don’t want to deal with the bullcrap anymore. So I remove myself from the situation. She comes after me, accuses me of not being there for her. We argue, the fighting escalates and I end up punching her because I was too drunk to think straight.
The hurt that resulted from this nightmare made me wonder why I even cared about her so much. She didn’t listen to me. She did whatever she wanted and pulled me in her shit every time. I had no say. No opinion. I was her partner in crime but never did she show true empathy toward my situation. She didn’t think of what she put me through. She just acted out like a spoiled brat.

This person isn’t in my life anymore. And I’m quite glad she left. Because honestly, I don’t handle drama queens very well. But no one of her other friends saw this. And I end up carrying the blame for her demise.

Fine. Think whatever. I am not a violent and angry person. I stand my ground. I defend myself. Everything else is just a big fat lie.

But hey, good riddance. What goes around comes around.


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  1. Stephanie Reynolds

    Ok, so now I am really confused. You said your sad that your friendship ended but then you say good riddance? Once again you are putting all the blame on your friend, well so it seems here. You wouldn’t have stayed friends for so long and put up with what you say was a lot of bull if there wasn’t a strong bond to begin with. Friendships have their ups and downs and you should be able to look past certain things. In a previous blog you took responsibility for your actions, felt remorse and now you seem to be recanting that by blaming her. Why? Why are you so mad again? You are going up and down like a yo-yo. Like I said before she went to you to talk, that means a lot, she obviously reached out for a reason and now you are reacting in such a negative way. Ok, I know I don’t know the entire story bit this is my opinion from someone reading your write ups. This situation is causing you so much pain it’s sad to hear about it. Plus why do you care so much about her being obsessed with a guy, who cares if he is that much if a jerk she will learn the hard way. What she does to herself is her business and shouldn’t affect you so much. As a friend, well when you were, all she probably wanted from you was comfort, it seems that you didn’t want to give that too her. The girl & guy relationship thing is so complicated… People’s expectations are so different, as are their reactions.

    Again, please don’t regret the past, you probably had many good times don’t let those be overshadowed by the bad…

    • themanicheans

      You’re right. I just felt hurt once again by her actions, but hey, yes, I shd move on. I do feel like I’m a yoyo. Going up and down. The worst part is not the guy, it’s the whole drama that revolved around it. And how she treated me while the drama was going on. But heck. I carry the blame for reacting stupidly. I learned my lesson. No more of this crap from now on.

      I’ll be fine. Last post about this sad episode. Done.

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