Note to Self (167) The Show Must Go On

So I feel completely disconnected from my writing – one year ago, I used to spent approximately two hours a day writing, blogging, thinking about my plots and brainstorming. Today, not so much. I manage to write on my commute to work – and for that I’m thankful for my phone. Anytime I’m on my own, waiting, I kill the time by writing. This has proven successful so far. Volume One of Death By Chocolate is completed – 30k words – and Volume 2 is two third done. You wouldn’t believe how writing a little every day can add up to a whole novel after a few weeks. It’s the best thing ever. So why do I still feel unproductive?

Well, the writing has maybe not stopped, but everything else kinda has. I don’t do blog tours anymore. I don’t tweet. I don’t play with my Facebook. And I certainly never touch my Google +. If I manage to do Triberr, I take that as an accomplishment.

There aren’t enough hours in a day. I don’t read as much, and am behind with my book reviews. Stuff I should have finished months ago, and yet… nope. Still lingering on my Kindle, half commenced and never ended. I must have bought more books than I’ve read. A pity, really, because I love to read.

But all the time I spend, I spend it writing. And working the day job, obviously. I don’t even go out that much, or spend time with friends – my circle of friends has shrunk dramatically since my recent falling out – so I play the lonesome writer, which isn’t such a bad thing I must admit. And still… I can’t find enough time. Between working out, feeding my brain ideas and making my dreams come true, twenty four hours in a day are too short. I thought I could do so much last year. But now? I’m squeezing things in.

There’s a part of me that thinks I’m heading toward complete failure. The writing, the publishing, all that jazz that doesn’t mean much at the end of the day because it doesn’t pay. Yet. And then the other part screams for me to keep going, keep writing, keep pursuing my dreams. All will come true, but I have to stay patient and mostly, work at them every single day.

No break. Time flies. The show must go on, awake or asleep. I met some people who spent their lifetime waiting for things to happen. And they’ve come to the conclusion their existence was pretty pathetic and they had accomplished nothing. I don’t want to be one of them. I want to look back and be able to say I’m proud of what I’ve done, even if it’s small, I still went for it. I didn’t give up. I felt dedicated and I persevered.

I wonder what it feels like to look from above once you reached the top of the mountain of success. I guess I’ll know at some point in the future. I just have to keep climbing.