Note to Self (162) Limbo

I haven’t been blogging much. Two reasons for that: my fantasy series Death by Chocolate is taking much of my writing time, and I don’t have many bad or difficult things to blog about. Honestly, I started this blogging adventure as therapy and it helped tremendously. I cannot advise people enough to write down everything that they don’t like about themselves, or their lives, because words have such tremendous power over the mind, it’s sometimes scary. But good. A good sense of scary.

So yes, I’m doing well. A few hiccups along the road, of course, nothing is ever perfectly perfect, but overall, there’s nothing I can complain about. I thought my break-up with my closest girlfriend would have taken a toll on my successful journey to recovery, but it hasn’t. Quite on the contrary. I’m happy by myself. I enjoy taking my time and focusing on my writing, without drama, without unnecessary concerns, and gossip, and usual BS that comes along with girls in general.

It’s something I’ve noticed since I was young. I like to be on my own. I learned how to be alone – since my siblings were too old to really share anything with me – and I built a whole world of entertainment by reading, and writing, and painting… Art made me whole. To some I must sound like a crazy person, but I’m honestly just a little eccentric. Everything else in my life is pretty normal. My job, my hobbies, my pets, my friends, my routine… I’m a nerd. I do nerdy stuff. I also run and walk a lot. I love strolling in Central Park, and people watching, because they’re a great source of inspiration for my books.

So yeah. I’m good. Feels sometimes like I’m reaching a weird state of limbo, where no evolution is possible. But it’s only an impression. Things keep moving forward. I made peace with my past. I’m ready to move on. I’m free. Independent. Ready to take over the world. Well, at least a little bit of the world.

No limbo then. Just the continuation of a wonderful adventure.


Add Yours
  1. kayfroebel

    You have a lot of good things going for you. Death by Chocolate continues to be a serial I follow with joy. You are a talented writer, and an engaging individual.

    I loved your comment about there not being a limbo. I agree, and I strongly believe evolution is always possible. There is always something greater, a plateau that we can reach beyond our expectations.

    There is a photographer that I came across today that literally had me breathless and inspired for the hour I spent glued to his page. His photos made me remember that that the world is so much bigger, and that I have endless possibilities ahead of me. You should check him out! There is just something humbling about stunning photos!

  2. Stephanie Reynolds

    I think if you can’t manage your relationships, by balancing friendships and what’s required to nurture them with your own needs and wants, you will never make the psychological progress you are talking about. It takes maturity to recognize this about yourself, and as you’ve seen, when you don’t get that balance right, it can be overwhelming.
    But none of this addresses the issues of aggression and acting out, impulse control and the capacity for empathy- considering other people’s feelings and understanding other points of view. I am sure you have a lot of good qualities but they are unfortunately overshadowed by these negative aspects.

    I hope you eventually stop kidding yourself and face your true reality.

    • themanicheans

      Funny how you mention I have a distorted perception of reality and I blogged today about perception and different realities.

      If you can make peace with yourself about what feels right, and what doesn’t feel right, then you’re on the right track. I certainly know a lot about empathy, and nurturing relationships. I however do not sacrifice time and efforts into relationships that are a mere waste of everyone’s time.

      Your perception of my actions is yours and yours only. You might think I’m a joke, a liar, an arrogant and obnoxious individual who can’t see past her nose. Fair game. My perception is far from that impression you have of me. And you built that impression just by reading my words. My journal. My thoughts on a day to day basis.

      I know what I’m made of. I know what can trigger the darkest side of my personality. I also know how to prevent this side from coming out. If I’m in the presence of individuals who will throw the first stone like they never sinned, I will probably ignore these individuals. But if these individuals persist in trying to push my buttons, then I will naturally react.

      I own what I do. I don’t regret my decisions. Had I not followed my heart until now, I would not have made it as far as I did. So your thoughts and advice are yours to keep.

      Freedom of speech allows you to judge me with your words. But your judgment will not affect my actions, nor change my reactions.

      Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.

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