Note to Self (153) Venus and Mars

So I heard the saying women are from Venus and men from Mars, implying we as a species don’t have a clue on how to understand each other because we live in parallel universes… Is it true? Well, according to my experience, I never really had trouble understanding men. Women on the other hand… Not so easy. But I hate to draw generalities out of isolated events.

Let’s try to be pragmatic here. Communication problems are universal. Some guys are great at telling how they feel, what they want, and think, and others are as deep as a wall of smoke. It all depends on personalities. I grew up in a home where my father – who’s from the European South – never felt embarrassed about anything and freely talked about whatever crossed his mind. I even thought at one point he was the woman in the household, and my mother played his male counterpart because she often stayed so quiet and secretive.

I have a major problem with people who can’t communicate. How hard is it to express yourself? Say you’re happy, or sad, share your opinion on a topic you like or hate, jump in the air, eat popcorn, laugh, cry, whatever you want to do, just do it! Life’s too short to be wasted in awkward moments.

Especially when you like someone. The worst part of dating is when you spend your time guessing what the other person thinks of you. Why is it so hard to just speak your mind? Say you enjoy the person’s company. Send a good morning text. Make a phone call. Go for a walk. Talk. I can’t believe I went on several dates with guys I really liked, but they turned me off because they didn’t keep in touch. And I’m not talking about calling me back after the first date. I’m talking about seeing each other for months but in between each date there was an awkward silence of several days, or weeks. I understand nobody wants to appear obsessive, but sending a “hello and have a good day” never hurts anyone. Especially if you intend to develop a relationship.

My take on this is the following: if the person is really into you, they will keep in touch no matter what. And again, I’m only talking from personal experience here, so please correct me if I’m wrong. We all start with a simple conversation. Why can’t we keep up and work on making the other person smile at least once a day?

I stopped looking at my phone every time I get a new message, hoping it’d be from the person I fancy. This is just a game where I’ll end up brain dead and alone.

Instead, I discard right away anyone who just doesn’t show enough interest in getting to know me more. If someone doesn’t want to hang out and talk except when THEY decide THEY have the time, ugh, well good riddance. Relationships are built on give and take. I can’t count the times I sent nice texts and never got a response. Or worse, the response arrived like two days later. Okay buddy, I get you’re busy. I’m busy too. We all are. But sending a text takes like what? Three seconds? And that includes pushing the send button.

Yeah, you got my point. If you think of the person, you will do something about it, unless… You don’t feel so strongly about them.

New technologies made it easier for us to stay in touch if we want to stay in touch. The actual effort of using your fingers to write something sweet cannot be replaced by any device. Get a grip! I’m done with guys who actually conform to the stereotype men suck at being romantic and caring.

But that’s alright. I always got more numbers to choose from in my phone. 😉


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  1. Lisa Gus

    That has been my experience, too – back in the day. Back B.D.H. – before Dear Hubby. And I have to agree. Until you meet someone as invested in maintaining a relationship as you, it won’t work.

    Alternatively, it won’t work if THEY are more invested than you want them to be. Then, you feel it’s too much. Way too much. The texts, the calls, they annoy, scandalize, embarrass. And lay a monumental guilt trip, on top of everything. You feel you are obliged to respond.

    But I would say… NO. No, you’re not. All you are obliged to do is talk to them, and see what they want of you and tell them what you can give. Maybe, just maybe, all they want to do is be friends. In which case, hey, I can do that! But I don’t want to not know, or to wonder if they are expecting more than I am ready to give – or, it so happens, I am.

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