Note to Self (136) Homesick

The love of one country made me forget how great it was to live there. I got used to it all. The air, the people, the freedom… I left because I had enough, and needed a break. Now I long to return and smell the City again, because I simply miss it too much.

It’s like blood in my veins, I can’t stop wanting to come back. I don’t belong to the place where I was born anymore. I feel like a stranger in the streets of my youth. I can’t speak my mother tongue because I feel disgusted when I do. The only thing I truly love is the sea, so blue and so still, perfect mirror of a past I know is long gone. I chose to start a new life on a new continent. I chose to adopt a new identity and a new citizenship. I chose to make necessary sacrifices to reach the level of success I deserve. Everything I’ve given, I’ve received a million times back. There’s nothing I regret. Nothing I want to change. I embrace my new home with the passion of a young lover. I worship the colors, the songs and the traditions with the dedication of a young private. I intend to persevere in my search for happiness and as I do so, I become a better person.

In a few days, I’ll fly back to New York City. I already look forward to crossing the threshold of my apartment, playing with my cats and turning on my television. I want to hear the sound of a baseball game in the background of a bar. I want to watch a hockey game live and scream with a thousand other fans. I want to feel one with a nation of souls who believes in an ever changing world and never stalls or gives up because we’re all in this together.

Soon I’ll be home. On the other side of the pond.


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  1. J.L. Campbell

    Johanna, this makes me think you’ve had bad experiences in the place where you were born, but I can also appreciate growing to love the charms of a new environment.

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