Note to Self (48) Another day of boredom

I looked at the clock, desperately wanting out. I didn’t know why I was here, and what was so important for me to do at this hour… I just wanted to be lazy. Could I leave now?

I thought I had given enough, and it was my time. I heard that it was actually nice outside. Could I check it out for myself before the sun went down? This was not a life. Staying inside while staring at a computer screen all day made my brain hurt. I was getting tired of this routine, the sound of my keyboard keys clicking like little hammers on each side of my head. I hated the contrition I was being forced to endure, every day at the same time, after commuting in a train packed with strangers who felt as miserable as me.

The subway doors closed as I remembered this sound teasing my eardrums… It was the voice of my muse. She missed me so much. I couldn’t believe I was being so selfish. I never meant to hurt your feelings, would you please forgive me? I knew she was crying for my attention, and there was nothing I could do about it. I must go, my love. I must earn a living. Writing was not what would put food on the table. She sobbed even more. I hated feeling so cruel.

Another dawn, another day. As I stepped onto the pavement and walked my way down the block this morning, I forgot about my responsibilities for an instant and I dreamt… I saw myself in a world of words, playing like a child, a huge grin on my rested face. No assignments, no supervisor, just me and a sheet of paper. It felt good to be free at last…

I slowly opened the door, my beautiful vision disappearing as I reached the turnstiles and slammed my card key onto the reader. Another day of boredom, I thought. Two more to go until the weekend. And then the evil cycle would repeat.

Maybe one day, it would finally stop. Forgive me my muse, for I have sinned. I did not forget about you. I just need a bit more time. Be patient, and you’ll be justly rewarded.

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