Note to Self (28) Looking In

It’s exciting. I feel that better times have come, and yet, I can’t really tell whether I’m completely out of the hole. I tend to oversell a lot of my feelings, pretending that things are alright when they’re actually not. I don’t want to show my weaknesses to the world, it’s a matter of pride too! Deep inside, I’m still bleeding though.

I kept listening to this song on my Ipod from Mariah Carey, titled “Looking in”. This song spoke to me since I can remember, and when I bought her album, I was 11. I’m 28 now. Every time I felt down, I listened to it and it gave sense to my life. Here are the lyrics:

You look at me and see the girl
Who lives inside a golden world
But don’t believe
That’s all there is to see
You’ll never know the real me

She smiles through a thousand tears
And harbors adolescent fears
She dreams of all
That she can never be
She wades in insecurity
And hides herself inside of me

Don’t say she takes it all for granted
I’m well aware of all I have
Don’t think that I am disenchanted
Please understand

It seems as though I’ve always been
Somebody outside looking in
Well here I am for all of them to bleed
But they can’t take my heart from me
And they can’t bring me to my knees
They’ll never know the real me

This song really defines me. There’s no better way to show the world how I feel inside.


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