Note to Self (93) Kissing you

I had a dream. I saw your face and I closed my eyes, imagining the most beautiful picture of us together. We held hands and we laughed, our minds in perfect harmony with the surrounding world. It felt perfect. Nothing could break us.

Solid like the diamond you slipped on my finger the day you asked me to marry you, I loved you. I defined myself around you. We were one, remember? One, forever.

Yet the glass fell to the ground and I let you go. I wandered trying to find you, but I landed in the middle of nowhere. Alone. I glanced at my ring and realized it didn’t mean anything to me anymore. So I took it off.

I liked kissing you. Touching your face. Forgetting myself in your arms because I felt safe. I believed in us. I believed in you.

And now the world floats above me while I’m lying down, watching the sky and counting stars. My fingers trace shapes in the darkness and I shiver. I used to be held at night. I used to feel warm. I search for you but find only more emptiness. There’s no reason to cry anymore. I’m gone. So are you.

My lips brush yours in a distant memory and I recall your smile, happy, proud, your words whispering your unconditional love in my ear… I lived for you. You were my everything. Now what?

Now is time for me to start again. I close my eyes and imagine a new face who has no name yet, but the kiss, oh what a kiss, takes me far away, much further than you ever took me, and I dream for hours, lost in an embrace that won’t ever let me go.

There’s hope for a new love.